कहाँ आ के रुकने थे रास्ते, कहाँ मोड़ था उसे भूल जा
वो जो मिल गया उसे याद रख, जो नहीं मिला, उसे भूल जा

वो तेरे नसीब की बारिशें किसी और छत पे बरस गईं
दिल-ए-बेखबर मेरी बात सुन, उसे भूल जा, उसे भूल जा

मै तो गुम था तेरे ही ध्यान में, तेरी आस, तेरे गुमान में
सबा कह गयी मेरे कान में, मेरे साथ आ, उसे भूल जा

किसी आंख में नहीं अश्क-ए-ग़म, तेरे बाद कुछ भी नहीं है कम
तुझे ज़िन्दगी ने भुला दिया, तू भी मुस्करा, उसे भूल जा

न वो आंख ही तेरी आंख थी, न वो ख्वाब ही तेरा ख्वाब था,
दिल-ए-मुन्तजिर तो ये किस लिए तेरा जागना, उसे भूल जा

यह जो रात दिन का है खेल सा, इसे देख, उस पे यकीन न कर,
नहीं अक्स कोई भी मुस्तक़िल, सर-ऐ-आइना, उसे भूल जा…

जो बिसात-ए-जाँ ही उलट गया, वो जो रास्ते से पलट गया..
उसे रोकने से हुसूल क्या, उसे मत बुला, उसे भूल जा

तो ये किस लिए सब-हिज्र के हर सितारे में उसे देखना
वो फलक के जिस पे मिले थे हम, कोई और था, उसे भूल जा..

तुझे चाँद बन के मिला था जो, तेरे साहिलों पे खिला था जो,
वो था एक दरिया विसाल का, सो उतर गया, उसे भूल जा…

“I have feelings for you”,
she said.
And I believed,
for in my own heart,
emotions raged,
like storms in the seas,
indomitably.

“You have come to heal”,
she said.
And I believed,
for my own wounds,
unbeknownst to me,
healed as if soothed
by a divine liniment,
listening to her words,
or looking at her,
magically.

“Your words bring peace to me”
she said.
And I believed,
for her words
often flew me
to the virgin shores
of silence meditative,
effortlessly.

“You give me strength”
she said.
And I believed,
for her friendship,
filled me with
fortitude unimaginable,
utterly.

“I cherish your friendship,
and wouldn’t let it go”
she said.
And I believed,
for I knew
I would never
have the courage
or the will
to let her go,
easily.

And then,
I awoke
from a heavenly dream,
into an interminable
nightmare,
painfully.

सुर्ख फूलों से महक उठती हैं दिल की राहें
दिन ढले यूँ तेरी आवाज बुलाती हैं हमें

याद तेरी कभी दस्तक, कभी सरगोशी से
रात के पिछले पहर रोज जगाती हैं हमें

हर मुलाक़ात का अंजाम जुदाई क्यों है
अब तो हर वक्त यही बात सताती हैं हमें

सुबह ना आई, शाम ना आई (२)
जिस दिन तेरी याद ना आई, याद ना आई
सुबह ना आई, शाम ना आई

कैसी लगन लगी ये तुझ से, कैसी लगन ये लगी
हंसी खो गई, खुशी खो गई
आँसू तक सब रहन हो गए,
अर्थी तक सब नीलाम हो गई (२)
दुनिया ने दुश्मनी निभाई, याद ना आई
सुबह ना आई, शाम ना आई

तुम मिल जाते तो हो जाती पूरी अपनी राम कहानी
खंडहर ताज महल बन जाता, गंगा जल आँखों का पानी
सांसों ने हथकड़ी लगाई, याद ना आई
सुबह ना आई, शाम ना आई

जैसे भी हो, तुम आ जाओ
आग लगी है तन में और मन में (२)
एक तार की दूरी है (२)
बस दामन और क़फ़न में
हुई मौत के संग सगाई, याद ना आई

आ जाओ, आ जाओ, आ जाओ

The Great Way is not difficult for those who have no preferences.
When love and hate are both absent everything becomes clear and undisguised.
Make the smallest distinction, however, and heaven and earth are set infinitely apart.
If you wish to see the truth then hold no opinion for or against.
The struggle of what one likes and what one dislikes is the disease of the mind.

* * * * * * *

When the deep meaning of things is not understood the mind’s essential peace is disturbed to no avail.
The way is perfect like vast space where nothing is lacking and nothing is in excess.
Indeed, it is due to our choosing to accept or reject that we do not see the true nature of things.
Live neither in the entanglements of outer things, nor in inner feelings of emptiness.
Be serene without striving activity in the oneness of things and such erroneous views will disappear by themselves.
When you try to stop activity to achieve passivity your very effort fills you with activity.
As long as you remain in one extreme or the other you will never know Oneness.
Those who do not live in the single Way fail in both activity and passivity, assertion and denial.

* * * * * * *

To deny the reality of things is to miss their reality; to assert the emptiness of things is to miss their reality.
The more you talk and think about it, the further astray you wander from the truth.
Stop talking and thinking and there is nothing you will not be able to know.

* * * * * * *

To return to the root is to find the meaning, but to pursue appearances is to miss the source.
At the moment of inner enlightenment there is a going beyond appearance and emptiness.
The changes that appear to occur in the empty world we call real only because of our ignorance.
Do not search for the truth; only cease to hold opinions.
Do not remain in the dualistic state; avoid such pursuits carefully.
If there is a trace of this and that, the right and wrong, the Mind-essence will be lost in confusion.
Although all dualities come from the One, do not be attached even to this One.
When mind exists undisturbed in the Way, nothing in the world can offend, and when a thing can no longer offend it ceases to exist in the old way. When no discriminating thoughts arise, the old mind ceases to exist.

* * * * * * *

When thought objects vanish, the thinking-subject vanishes, as when the mind vanishes, objects vanish.
Things are objects because of the subject; the mind is such because of things.
Understand the relativity of these two and the basic reality: the unity of emptiness.
In this Emptiness the two are indistinguishable and each contains in itself the whole world.
If you do not discriminate between coarse and fine you will no be tempted to prejudice and opinion.

* * * * * * *

To live in the Great Way is neither easy nor difficult, but those with limited views are fearful and irresolute: the faster they hurry, the slower they go, and clinging cannot be limited: even to be attached to the idea of enlightenment is to go astray.
Just let things be in their own way and there will be neither coming nor going.
Obey the nature of things (your own nature), and you will walk freely and undisturbed.
When thought is in bondage the truth is hidden, for everything is murky and unclear, and the burdensome practice of judging brings annoyance and weariness.
What benefit can be derived from distinctions and separations?
If you wish to move in the One Way do not dislike even the world of senses and ideas.
Indeed, to accept them fully is identical with true Enlightenment.
The wise man strives for no goals but the foolish man fetters himself.
There is one Dharma, truth, law, not many; distinctions arise from the clinging needs of the ignorant.
To seek Mind with the discriminating mind is the greatest of all mistakes.

* * * * * * *

Rest and unrest derive from illusion; with enlightenment there is no liking and disliking.
All dualities come from ignorant inference.
They are like dreams or flowers in the air; foolish try to grasp them.
Gain and loss, right and wrong: such thoughts must finally be abolished at once.
If the eye never sleeps, all dreams will naturally cease.
If the mind makes no discriminations, the ten thousand things are as they are, of single essence.
To understand the mystery of this One-essence is to be released from all entanglements.
When all things are seen equally the timeless Self-essence is reached.
No comparisons or analogies are possible in this causeless, relationless state.

* * * * * * *

Consider movement stationary and the stationary in motion, and both the state of movement and the state of rest disappear.
When such dualities cease to exist Oneness itself cannot exist.
To this ultimate finality no law or description applies.
For the unified mind in accord with the Way all self-centered striving ceases.
Doubts and irresolutions vanish and life in true faith is possible.
With a single stroke we are freed from bondage; nothing clings to us and we hold nothing.
All is empty, clear, self-illuminating, with no exertion of the mind’s power.
Here thought, feeling, knowledge, and imagination are of no value.

* * * * * * *

In this world of Suchness there is neither self nor other-than-self.
To come directly into harmony with this reality just simply say when doubts arise, “Not two.”
In this “not two” nothing is separate, nothing is excluded.
No matter when or where, enlightenment means entering this truth.
And this truth is beyond extension or diminution in time or space; in it a single thought is then thousand years.

* * * * * * *

Emptiness here, Emptiness there, but the infinite universe stands always before our eyes.
Infinitely large and infinitely small; no difference, for definitions have vanished and no boundaries are seen.
So too with Being and non-Being. Don’t waste time in doubts and arguments that have nothing to do with this.
One thing, all things: move among and intermingle, without distinction.
To live in this realization is to be without anxiety about non-perfection.
To live in this faith is the road to non-duality, because the non-dual is one with the trusting mind.

Words!

The Way is beyond language, for in it there is
no yesterday
no tomorrow
no today.

तेरे प्यार को इस तरह से भुलाना
न दिल चाहता है न हम चाहते हैं
जो सच था उसे इक फ़साना बनाना
न दिल चाहता है …

वो मासूम सूरत भोली निगाहें
रहेंगी सदा दिल में आबाद होकर
न पूरी हुई जो उसी आरज़ू में
मिलेगा हमें चैन बरबाद हो कर
कि उजड़ी हुई ज़िन्दगी को बसाना
न दिल चाहता है …

समझ में न आया कि हर इक ख़ुशी से
ये दिल आज बेज़ार क्यों हो गया है
तेरे ग़म में बहते हुए आँसुओं से
न जाने हमें प्यार क्यों हो गया है
कि भूले से भी अब कभी मुस्कराना
न दिल चाहता है …

आती है तेरी याद भी अब कुछ कम,
मसरूफि़यत मेरे मन को घेर लेती है,
रहती है मेरी आँख भी कुछ कम नम
कुछ पल को तबस्सुम बिखेर लेती है.

दिले-बेचैन को क़रार आने लगता है,
कभी चोट कहाँ थी, पता नहीं चलता,
जिस घाव को नासूर समझ बैठा था,
है भी या नहीं अब, पता नहीं चलता.

पर कुछ लफ्ज़ तेरे, भूले हुए माज़ी से,
ज़ेहन में आके तेरी याद दिला जाते हैं,
तेरे नक्श निगाहों में फिरने लगते हैं,
मेरे इरादों की बुनियाद हिला जाते हैं.

या फिर किसी रात के सन्नाटे में,
तू अचानक मेरे ख़्वाबों में चली आती है,
तेरा मिल बैठना, तेरी हँसी, तेरी बातें,
कुछ आरज़ू फिर से तू जगा जाती है.

रिसते हैं मेरे सूखे हुए ज़ख्म फिर से,
भूले हुए कुछ दर्द उभर आते हैं.
मचल उठता है फिर सोया हुआ दिल मेरा,
हज़ार जलजले मेरी जाँ से गुज़र जाते हैं.

हर अश्क जब गिरता है किसी कागज़ पे,
बनता है ये इक लफ्ज़ मेरे शे’रों का,
गज़लें मेरी कासिद हैं महज़ तेरी ओर,
खबर पहुँचाने मेरी जीस्त के अंधेरों का.

तुम सोचती हो आम इक शायर हूँ मैं,
और अलफ़ाज़ कलम छू के संवर जाते हैं,
पर है ये फक़त तेरी ही चाहत का असर,
मेरे ज़ख्म बन अशआर उभर आते हैं.

जब जब लगा कि भूल सा गया तुझको,
अब्रो-माह तेरी याद दिलाने निकले.

(अब्रो-माह = clouds and moon)

वो वस्ल के लम्हात कितनी शिद्दत से,
याद आये जब भी तुमको भुलाने निकले.

(वस्ल = मिलन, लम्हात = क्षण, शिद्दत = intensity)

लगे इलज़ाम यूँ हम पर जो शादमानी के,
ज़ेर-ए-माज़िरत फिर दर्द कमाने निकले.

(शादमानी = प्रसन्नता, ज़ेर-ए-माज़िरत = मजबूरी में)

ये सोच कर कुछ कम तो हो ये दिल की जलन,
गरेबाँ चाक कर के तेरे दीवाने निकले.

तेरे सितम की इन्तिहाँ भी है कि नहीं,
तेरे करम की आस, ज़माने निकले.

Chuang Tzu replied:
“If you have no appreciation for what has no use,
you cannot begin to talk about what can be used.

“The earth for example, is broad and vast,
But of all this expanse a man uses only a few inches
Upon which he happens to be standing at the time.

“Now suppose you suddenly take away
all that he actually is not using,
so that all around his feet a gulf yawns,
and he stands in the void
with nowhere solid except under each foot,
how long will he be able to use what he is using?

Hui Tzu said:
“It would cease to serve any purpose.”

Chuang Tzu concluded:
“This shows the absolute necessity
of what is supposed to have no use.”.

मैं मेरी कागज़ की कश्ती,
लेके निकला आज देखो,
ढूंढ कर प्रवाह वाली,
एक बड़ी औ गहरी नाली,
छोड़ दी हौले से देखो.

वो मेरी कागज़ की कश्ती,
देखो बहती जा रही है,
एक अनजाने सफर पे,
एक अनजानी डगर पे,
कैसे चलती जा रही है.

वो मेरी कागज़ की कश्ती,
अथक चलती जायेगी यूँ,
जब तलक मंजिल मिले न,
जब तलक इक गुल खिले न,
बोलो ये रुक पाएगी क्यूँ.

वो मेरी कागज़ की कश्ती,
जायेगी ऐसे नगर को,
साध इसकी होगी पूरी,
आस न होगी अधूरी,
पाएगी एक हमसफ़र को.

हा! मगर ये दृश्य कैसा,
क्या हुआ, ये रुक गई क्यों?
कौन सी बाधा ने रोका,
ये नियति का क्या है धोका,
एक तरफ ये झुक गयी क्यों?

हाय वो कागज़ की कश्ती,
रुक के जल में गल गयी है,
मेरी आशाएं डुबा कर,
एक नश्तर सा चुभा कर,
मोम सी, हा! पिघल गयी है.

और इक कागज़ की कश्ती,
फिर बना क्या पाउँगा मैं?
कौन से ढाढस को ले कर,
फिर से दुस्साहस को ले कर,
उस गली जा पाउँगा मैं?

रात आधी, खींच कर मेरी हथेली एक उंगली से लिखा था ‘प्यार’ तुमने।
फ़ासला था कुछ हमारे बिस्तरों में और चारों ओर दुनिया सो रही थी,
तारिकाएँ ही गगन की जानती हैं जो दशा दिल की तुम्हारे हो रही थी,
मैं तुम्हारे पास होकर दूर तुमसे अधजगा-सा और अधसोया हुआ सा,

रात आधी, खींच कर मेरी हथेली एक उंगली से लिखा था ‘प्यार’ तुमने।

एक बिजली छू गई, सहसा जगा मैं, कृष्णपक्षी चाँद निकला था गगन में,
इस तरह करवट पड़ी थी तुम कि आँसू बह रहे थे इस नयन से उस नयन में,
मैं लगा दूँ आग इस संसार में है प्यार जिसमें इस तरह असमर्थ, कातर,
जानती हो, उस समय क्या कर गुज़रने के लिए था कर दिया तैयार तुमने!

रात आधी, खींच कर मेरी हथेली एक उंगली से लिखा था ‘प्यार’ तुमने।

प्रात ही की ओर को है रात चलती औ’ उजाले में अंधेरा डूब जाता,
मंच ही पूरा बदलता कौन ऐसी, खूबियों के साथ परदे को उठाता,
एक चेहरा-सा लगा तुमने लिया था, और मैंने था उतारा एक चेहरा,
वो निशा का स्वप्न मेरा था कि अपने पर ग़ज़ब का था किया अधिकार तुमने।

रात आधी, खींच कर मेरी हथेली एक उंगली से लिखा था ‘प्यार’ तुमने।

और उतने फ़ासले पर आज तक सौ यत्न करके भी न आये फिर कभी हम,
फिर न आया वक्त वैसा, फिर न मौका उस तरह का, फिर न लौटा चाँद निर्मम,
और अपनी वेदना मैं क्या बताऊँ, क्या नहीं ये पंक्तियाँ खुद बोलती हैं–
बुझ नहीं पाया अभी तक उस समय जो रख दिया था हाथ पर अंगार तुमने।

रात आधी, खींच कर मेरी हथेली एक उंगली से लिखा था ‘प्यार’ तुमने।

Do you still love me,
is the question that torments
my heart and soul
day and night.

Do you still love me,
is the question I ask
all the time,
not to you but myself.

Do you still love me?
I know the answer
but can’t let go
that tiny bit of hope.

Do you still love me?
Don’t say you never did,
cause I know what you felt
for me eons ago.

Do you still love me?
I know you don’t any more,
but if you could tell me you once did,
I would rest in peace.

Do you still love me?
Remember how you thought of me
all the time,
in the past?

You have moved on,
but I’m stuck,
waiting still
for your comeback.

Lovely song written by Sahir Ludhiyanavi, and sung by Lata Mangeshkar.

दुनिया करे सवाल तो हम क्या ज़वाब दें,
तुमको नहीं खयाल तो हम क्या ज़वाब दें.

पूछे कोई कि दिल को कहाँ छोड़ आये हैं,
किस किस से अपना रिश्ता-ए-जाँ तोड़ आये हैं,
मुश्किल हो अर्ज़-ए-हाल, तो हम क्या ज़वाब दें

पूछे कोई कि दर्द-ए-वफ़ा कौन दे गया,
रातों को जागने की सज़ा कौन दे गया,
कहने पे हो मलाल, तो हम क्या ज़वाब दें

(Saahir Ludhiyaanavi)

कभी कभी मेरे दिल में ख़याल आता है

कि ज़िन्दगी तेरी ज़ुल्फ़ों की नर्म छाँव में
गुज़रने पाती तो शादाब हो भी सकती थी
ये तीरगी जो मेरी ज़ीस्त का मुक़द्दर है
तेरी नज़र की शुआओं में खो भी सकती थी

(शादाब = हरी भरी, delightful;
तीरगी – Darkness; ज़ीस्त – Life, शुआओं – Lights)

अजब न था के मैं बेगाना-ए-अलम रह कर
तेरे जमाल की रानाईयों में खो रहता
तेरा गुदाज़ बदन तेरी नीमबाज़ आँखें
इन्हीं हसीन फ़सानों में महव हो रहता

(बेगाना-ए-अलम = stranger to the world,
जमाल = beauty, रानाईयों = elegance,
नीमबाज़ = half open, महव = drowned, engrossed)

पुकारतीं मुझे जब तल्ख़ियाँ ज़माने की
तेरे लबों से हलावट के घूँट पी लेता
हयात चीखती फिरती बरहना-सर, और मैं
घनेरी ज़ुल्फ़ों के साये में छुप के जी लेता

(तल्ख़ियाँ = bitterness, हलावट = sweetness,
हयात = Life, बरहना-सर = with naked head)

मगर ये हो न सका और अब ये आलम है
कि तू नहीं, तेरा ग़म, तेरी जुस्तजू भी नहीं
गुज़र रही है कुछ इस तरह ज़िन्दगी जैसे
इसे किसी के सहारे की आरज़ू भी नहीं

ज़माने भर के दुखों को लगा चुका हूँ गले
गुज़र रहा हूँ कुछ अनजानी रह्गुज़ारों से
महीब साये मेरी सम्त बढ़ते आते हैं
हयात-ओ-मौत के पुरहौल ख़ारज़ारों से

(महीब = dreadful, सम्त = towards,
पुरहौल full of deceit, might,
ख़ारज़ारों = places full of thorns)

न कोई जादह-ए-मंज़िल न रौशनी का सुराग़
भटक रही है ख़लाओं में ज़िन्दगी मेरी
इन्हीं ख़लाओं में रह जाऊँगा कभी खोकर
मैं जानता हूँ मेरी हमनफ़स मगर फिर भी

कभी कभी मेरे दिल में ख़याल आता है

(जादह-ए-मंज़िल = path of destination,
ख़लाओं = darknessess,
हमनफ़स – companion,friend)

Waheen Kaba sarak aaya jahan maine jabeen rakh dii.
वहीं काबा सरक आया जहाँ मैंने जबीं रख दी.

I didn’t know the full she’r, so I composed the first line myself and completed the she’r. It goes like this:

Khudi jab kho gaii anvaar-e-ikhlaas-e-ibaadat mein,
Waheen Kaba sarak aaya jahan maine jabeen rakh dii.

खुदी जब खो गई अनवार-ए-इखलास-ए-इबादत में,
वहीं काबा सरक आया जहाँ मैंने जबीं रख दी.

गुजरी है क्या न पूछो सुन न पाओगे,
नहीं आसान दर्द मेरे जितना सह पाना.

मज़ा है दर्द-ए-दिल के साथ हँस के जीने में,
बड़ा आसान है वरना तड़प के मर जाना.

तुम्हे डर है कि तुम हो जाओ न रुसवा लेकिन,
जियेगा कैसे तेरे बिन ये तेरा परवाना.

तुझे मालूम ही नहीं कि तेरी चाहत में,
क्या क्या ज़िल्लतें सहता है तेरा दीवाना.

तुम्हे फिर देखने की इक उम्मीद बाक़ी है
हुआ नहीं है अभी ख़ाक तेरा परवाना

During the last two weeks or so, since the passing away of my father, I have contemplated a lot. The option of leaving everything behind, to venture into a totally unplanned and uncharted course of life, and to live like the vagabond I have always been lures me very strongly these days.

I have always been a vagabond deep inside. I have fantasized often about leaving everything behind, and seeking out a new, unknown kind of existence; to try and see what plunging myself consciously into the unknown brings to me. Unfortunately, I have a free spirit caged into a timid body. I have been a rebel ever since my childhood, but never had the audacity to take my rebelliousness to its culmination.

The restlessness I feel within has become intolerable. The need to rediscover myself has turned into a crisis. I feel like giving it all up, and go live somewhere no one would know me. The current state of mine is not solely due to the demise of my father. I have already been raw for some time. Something came, filled me with heavenly pleasure, soaked my being with a warmth unimaginable, and then suddenly left leaving me poorer and weaker than I was before. The death only struck probably the final nail.

No matter what I do or don’t do in the future, I would never be the same as before. Something fundamental has changed within myself. The background was there, the preparation was there, and finally it has happened.

Within the next year or two, my life is surely going to take some unforeseen turn.

वो जो इश्क था वो जूनून था,
ये जो हिज्र है वो नसीब है.

मैं किसे कहूँ मेरे साथ चल,
यहाँ सबके सर पे सलीब है.

यहाँ किसका चेहरा पढ़ा करूँ,
यहाँ कौन इतना करीब है.

तुझे देख कर मैं हूँ सोचता,
तू हबीब है या रक़ीब है.

पल दो पल जज़्बात की, लहरों में कितना जोश था,
एक ज़रा सी देर में तूफाँ के धारे सो गए.
ज़िन्दगी के मोड़ पर हम तुम मिले और खो गए,
ज़िन्दगी के मोड़ पर…

दिल के हर एक तार में, क्या जानिये क्या सोज़ है,
साज़ छेड़ा और सभी नगमे परेशाँ हो गए,
ज़िन्दगी के मोड़ पर हम तुम मिले और खो गए,
ज़िन्दगी के मोड़ पर…

जिस कदर नज़दीक आये, फासले बढ़ते गए,
दो मुसाफिर अपनी मंजिल पर पहुँच कर खो गए,

ज़िन्दगी के मोड़ पर हम तुम मिले और खो गए,
अजनबी थे और फिर हम अजनबी से हो गए.
ज़िन्दगी के मोड़ पर…

(अज़ल – Time immemorial, बा-सब्र – With patience, तिश्नगी – Thirst)

बस इनायत की नज़र इक चाहिए,
इसके बदले दिल ही लेंगे या कि जाँ.

जब भी उठे मेरे दुआ में हाथ हैं,
दिल ने कहा ज़न्नत नहीं इश्क-ए-बुताँ.

तदबीर हम सारी उमर की क्या करें ,
क्या खबर किस वक़्त हो जाएँ फ़ना .

रगबत रही न अब कोई बहार से ,
हो गया है आशना कहरे-खिजाँ.

He does not struggle to make money
And he does not make a virtue of poverty.

He goes without relying on others,
And does not pride himself
on walking alone.

The man of Tao remains unknown.
Perfect virtue produces nothing.
No Self is True Self.
And the greatest man is nobody.

In reality, things are as they are, and will be as they will be; they are neither good, nor bad.

The germination of this post started today when a friend of mine sent me a message, “Hope everything will be alright in the end”.

I am in a peculiar situation these days. I am in trouble, but don’t know what kind of end to these troubles I really want, or which ends would be better for me. So yes, I can only say that whatever is the end will be alright irrespective of what I want. And do my wishes really matter in the grand scheme of the things? I think not. They might matter to me very much, but do they really matter overall? I might wish from all my heart to stop a particular day turning into the night, but as my wish would be in conflict with the overall scheme of things it won’t matter at all and the day would turn into the night at its appointed time. I would be pained, I would be hurt, but that is my problem, isn’t it?

Tonight is going to be extremely difficult. The signs are not good in the least. I have planned a very important session of meditation with three friends, but the sense of dread I have today for my own personal reasons will make it very difficult for me.

Let us see if I can rise above the emotional turmoil I am facing today since the last one hour. Let us see if I am able to calm myself enough for the task I have assigned to myself. After the session, if during the period the unspeakable hasn’t occurred, I will try Bardo suggestions.

Let peace prevail all around.

======================

11:30 PM

The session was wonderful. I was able to calm myself within the first five minutes or so; and then it went on uninterrupted for the designated period. Now I know that nothing untoward is going to happen on my personal front. I also know now that the session has been successful. It is just a gut feeling sort of thing.

The session I am talking about was a sort of “faith healing”, which I take part in as an experiment. I don’t know if it really helped or will help in healing the person it was intended for, but the calmness which descended on me is certainly a big bonus for my being.

Whether faith healing works, or can work, can be answered only if the issue of “mind over matter” can be settled either way scientifically. I have explored this issue in some depth, but haven’t been able to make up my mind either way. The skeptic in me rubbishes such ideas for lack of evidence, but the agnostic in me doesn’t discard the idea completely.

The problem is that there are many concepts about which we have only vague ideas, and many a time these concepts are vague themselves. So no matter how hard you try to understand them, they always seem to elude you. I think “spiritual growth” is one of such concepts.

I have been interested in the occult, spiritual practices, meditation and what not since long. I have explored many branches, and got disillusioned with most of them pretty soon. While trying to explore these ideas, one question kept nagging my mind all the time: how do I know if what I am reading, or what I am being taught, is valid and/or correct? The simple answer would be: try it and then see for yourself. But there is a problem with this advice too: who has enough time to go on trying out thousands of ideas, following hundreds of Gurus, and then see? I, then decided to use the critical and logical faculties of my mind to examine anything before I proceeded to try it out.

I like to think of myself as a logical, rational and critical human being. I have been to many international fora, and have locked horns with many people from all over the world. I have seen how the believers behave with those who try to question their beliefs logically. I have also seen that the so called rationalists behave exactly in the same manner as the believers when their beliefs(?) are questioned . This statement would appear irrational, as the rationalists are supposed to be against all kinds of beliefs. But trust me, they are not! Most of the self-avowed rationalists are as touchy as any other die-hard believer about their own beliefs. For example, there is a popular page on the Facebook named “The pain of Reason”. It is actually a book written by one Trevor Karsdale who has create a page for his book on facebook. TK is an atheist (I am one too, by the way), and his book ridicules believers mercilessly. When I joined facebook, I came across his page, and “liked” it which allowed me to post comments on that page. Within a few days I found myself arguing against some of the so called rationalists and atheists on that page. It seems that the atheists “believe” in atheism as much, and as irrationally, as the believers believe in the heaven, hell and the afterlife. Funny, isn’t it? You would expect a rational human being to be willing to explore any new ideas, and change his if found incompatible with logic. In my humble opinion, a true rationalist would always be ready to change his ideas, and would be always in “explorer” mode. The Science has progressed so much because of such rational scientists; no one, including Newton or Einstein is beyond examination or questioning. No theory is considered as sacred. No proof beyond re-validation!

Anyway, a few days after I became active on Trevor Karsdale’s page, I was banned from posting any comments on it. Banned? Yes! Why? Probably because, they found me a bit difficult to handle! They don’t generally ban believers as they enjoy punching them to their hearts’ content. Many of the believers generally lack the knowledge of “Logic” or logical fallacies, and hence they are easy meat for the so called atheists or rationalists. But that was not the case with me. I am well aware of logical fallacies, and I know how to spot them in others’ arguments, and also how to avoid them. Trevor Karsdale probably got worried about the sale of his book, and hence banned me from his page.

I find it so hilarious that sometimes I have found myself arguing against both the sides in the same forum in the same thread (not at TK’s page, but other fora), and that people from the both the sides of the fence have used my arguments against each other in the same very thread!! LOL. Can you imagine my predicament?

I would give another example. I am an astrologer myself. I know enough astrology to hold my own against many astrologers. I have been, and still do, offer astrological advice to a very select few of my friends, all the time reminding them not to believe too much in those advices. And yet, I don’t fully believe in Astrology as a subject or Science. I have argued against many astrologers, and I have also argued against the people who don’t believe in it. On this very website, I have written an article which argues against those who don’t believe in Astrology. But, I don’t have any problems in accepting that there are many missing links in the subject of Astrology, and that there exists (at least to my knowledge) no astrologer worth his name who can predict anything with guarantee. Moreover, various statistical and scientific studies debunk the claims that Astrology works.

Let us come back to the topic of “Spiritual Growth”. I am a skeptic on this topic too. I don’t really know if any “spirit” exists within us, so how can I be sure of any “spiritual growth”? I am not saying that there is no ESP, or Spirits, or anything like that; I am just saying that I don’t know. All I know for sure is that we humans have thoughts (psychology), and emotions. Do we have any spirit, or soul? I don’t really know. So, IMHO, there can surely be a psychological growth. And so far I think, that the so called “spiritual growth” is nothing but a psychological and/or emotional growth . And Meditation is probably one of the best ways devised for such a growth.

I would like to make it clear that when I talk of meditation, I don’t mean “concentrating” your attention on something. What I am talking about is exactly the opposite: diffusion of our attention or awareness. One tries to become aware of everything that happens around him simultaneously. The attention is not focussed, as focus implies a choice. This form of meditation is what J. Krishnamurti called “Choiceless Awareness”.

I will expand upon this topic in the days to come.

It has been a pretty poor attempt of mine to keep pretending that I have been feeling humourous. I do have a little sense of humour, but I can be really humourous only when I feel happy. But, such happy occasions have been extremely rare during last one year. I have stated a few times during the period that I was passing through some kind of hell, but I didn’t know then that hell could be even worse! I am now afraid of naming what I am going through presently.

I have always considered “trust” as one of my strong virtues. I have always trusted the better side of people by default, and have always been rewarded by being trusted back in return. In fact, I have always felt proud of how trustworthy I come across to people around me. And it has been not because of my ability to pretend, but my ability to trust and my penchant to be truthful and honest even at the risk of sounding unpalatable to most of the people around me.

Exactly a month back, I received the shock of my life; one of my closest friends, V, implied that I was not trustworthy and that I had been trying to take advantage of him! Trying to take advantage? What the hell were you talking about, V? Were you in your senses at that time? Would you please show some guts by defining in what way I had been trying to take advantage of you?

I don’t know what about me was, or has been, bugging you. But it was an unpardonable accusation from you. It broke my heart to pieces, and it would take some time for me to get over this earthquake. It is true that I have been a tad touchy for various reasons in my personal life. I might have behaved in some unreasonable ways too, but you were well aware of the reasons, weren’t you? However, I am not aware of what made you feel like that. I would very much like to know, but I doubt if I would ever be able to make myself confront and ask you about it. I feel shattered, angry and broken. And it has come to pass only because I considered you as one of my best friends. I opened myself completely before you. I have been a strong votary of openness; but I now have some doubts about it. Is it really worth it to open yourself to some other human being completely?

I could have pretended to be a person different from what I am. I could have pretended to not being bothered by certain acts of omission or commission by you. I could have pretended to be a person having a larger heart than I really have. I could have probably fooled you, but would it have been worth it? Would I have derived any pleasure from those pretensions? I know that I wouldn’t have. How would have I faced myself in moments of solitude then?

It’s been a month since I took leave of you. There was a faint hope in my heart that you would perhaps realise your folly, and make amends for it. But you didn’t.

What I experience is not actually a trance. A person in a trance like state becomes oblivious to his surroundings and himself. I, on the other hand, become much more aware of my surroundings and myself. I become aware of my heart beats, my breathing, slightest disturbances in the surroundings, and whatever is happening, or is, around me in those moments, and a peace beyond words.

It is easier to work yourself in a state of trance. That is why you will find many people either faking or actually being in a trance. The oblivion Ramakrishna used to experience as Gajadhar was something much higher than a trance. That happens when the body is not able to withstand the bliss one feels, so it balks and loses consciousness. Apparently it looks like a trance like state, but it is not.

What you experienced in the monastery, I experienced in the Elephanta caves in front of the Shiva’s Trimoorti in the year 1979 when I was thirteen. It is difficult to describe what I felt as I didn’t have enough awareness to put that experience in words then. I can only say this much that I suddenly felt all alone in that cave and was mesmerized by that sculpture. I had the experience once again when I revisited that cave in 1996 with my family. I told them to wait outside for me, and I sat there facing Shiva for around 10-15 minutes. This time I was able to recognise that I was feeling the familiar peace which I first experienced in 1993, and which can’t be disturbed by anything from outside. I think that the sculptors of those statues must have been meditators themselves, otherwise it is not possible to create something with mystical touch.

Sea beaches and jungles (if you can manage to not feel afraid) are places which can give glimpses of such experiences more easily. Sunrises and sunsets are events which can do the same. That is why they were called “Sandhya Kaal”, and meditators practice during such times. You have surely had the glimpses, but need to have more to concretise them, and prepare yourself for the descent of peace in your being. Once it starts crystallising, you will find that there are many things which can trigger the experience. Your heart will open up more and more, but you will also become more and more susceptible and vulnerable.

Trust doesn’t come easily.

हमें कुछ यूँ सताया वक्त ने तेरे फिराक में,
हर लम्हा रह गया है गोया वाकया बनकर.

(फिराक = Separation)

रही कुछ यूँ इसे उम्मीद सौगात-ए-मुहब्बत की,
सहे तेरे सितम भी दिल ने अकसर बेज़ुबां बनकर.

यही थी आरजू जागे मेरी तकदीर-ए-खाविदा,
जियें दो चार दिन हम भी तुम्हारे आशना बन कर.

(तकदीर-ए-खाविदा = Sleeping luck)

Each of us is trussed with so many invisible chains. Most of us can’t even see them. And among those who can see, only a few are able to break free; it needs so great a courage that almost all of them decide to continue living enchained.

There are two ways to approach the problem. One is to start, and then go on, breaking chains one by one consciously. The other way is to work upon yourself without bothering about them. The first way is painful. The second one is painful too, but it makes those chains fall by on their own accord. On the second path, you become free even while remaining tied up. Unfortunately, how you have to walk on the second path can’t properly be described in words. It is a trick, and once you learn it, it can be the key to all the locks holding you back.

The trick can only be taught person to a person non-verbally. No one has taught me this trick. I got it while reading some words; but I know that it was not the words which did it. In my case, it simply happened when I was reading the relevant words from a master. But that occurs very rarely, and hence the need of some Guru at least initially. Then you might need a Guru after you have traveled some distance on the path; but that comes much later. I am in need of a Guru right now, but don’t know if I will be blessed with one in this life time. Since I am like that proverbial Bengali wife (Keno? Kothay jacchho? etc, ), I would probably shoo that Guru away by my skepticism.

Don’t make any hasty decision about breaking free, unless you are sure that you want freedom. Freedom comes at a cost we might find too steep to pay. It all depends how you look at your life. If you prefer to stay in your comfort zone, even if painful, freedom is not for you.

लाऊँ कहाँ से अब वो मुस्काना लड़कपन का,
कहीं पे खो गया है अब वो मस्ताना लड़कपन का.

Kar doon bayan ik baar unse dard-e-dil jo main,
Khudaya khatm ho jaye wo afsaana ladakpan ka

कर दूँ बयाँ इक बार उनसे दर्द-ए-दिल जो मैं,
खुदाया खत्म हो जाए वो अफ़साना लड़कपन का.

Wo shaql maaN ki aankh ko kar detii hai purnam,
Mujhe Jab yaad aataa hai wo behlaana ladakpan ka.

वो शक्ल माँ की, आँख को कर देती है पुरनम,
मुझे जब याद आता है वो बहलाना लड़कपन का.

Kabhi iqraar kartaa hai na ye inqaar kartaa hai,
Banaa detaa hai mera yaar bahanaa ladakpan ka.

कभी इकरार करता है न ये इनकार करता है,
बना देता है मेरा यार बहाना लड़कपन का.

Wo maatii lage haathon mere ashqon ko ponchhna,
NahiN mumkin raha ab waisaa yaraanaa ladakpan ka.

वो माटी लगे हाथों मेरे अश्कों को पोंछना,
नहीं मुमकिन रहा अब वैसा याराना लड़कपन का.

Na koi fikr ya uljhan na koi khalish hi thii “Ashok”,
Bahut aataa hai hamko yaad zamaanaa ladakpan ka.

न कोई फिक्र या उलझन न कोई खलिश ही थी “अशोक”,
बहुत आता है हमको याद ज़माना लड़कपन का.

(पशेमानी – Remorse)

तेरे अहद की हम अस्लियत समझते हैं,
हटाओ जाने दो, रहने भी दो बहाने को.

(अहद – Promise)

न कर सके वादा वफ़ा तो क्या गम है,
हटाओ जाने दो, रहने भी दो बहाने को.

ज़फा की कैफियत मांगी नहीं कभी तुमसे,
हटाओ जाने दो, रहने भी दो बहाने को.

कोई इस क़दर मसरूफ हो नहीं सकता,
हटाओ जाने दो, रहने भी दो बहाने को.

फिर वही रात है, फिर वही रात है ख्वाब की
हो … रात भर ख्वाब में
देखा करेंगे तुम्हे
फिर वही रात है …

मासूम सी नींद में, जब कोई सपना चले
हो … हम को बुला लेना तुम, पलकों के पर्दे तले
हो ये रात है ख्वाब की, ख्वाब की रात है
फिर वही रात है…
फिर वही रात है
फिर वही रात है ख्वाब की

काँच के ख्वाब हैं, आँखों में चुभ जायेंगे
हो … पलकों में लेना इन्हें, आँखों में रुक जायेंगे
हो … ये रात है ख्वाब की, ख्वाब की रात है
फिर वही रात है…, फिर वही रात है
फिर वही रात है ख्वाब की

फिर वही रात है …
hmmmm hmmmmm hmmmmm …
रात है … hmmmm hmmm hmmmm …
रात है…

Now he walks in shadows
He’s tryin’ to pretend she never walked away
But it’s not deceivin’
He’s closer to an end he never could foresee

But it’s more than meets the eye
So much more than just a last goodbye
It’s a cold and lonely heart
So sad and torn apart
Yes it’s more than meets the eye

“You” – Switchfoot

——————-

There’s always something
In the way
There’s always something
Getting through
It’s not me
it’s You

Sometimes ignorance
Rings true
But hope is not in
What I know
It’s Not in me
It’s in You

It’s all I know

I find peace
When I’m confused
I find hope when
I’m let down
Not in me
In You,
Its in you.

I hope to lose myself
For good
I hope to find it in the end
Not in me
In You
It’s all I know
—————–

It is a peculiar kind of experience. You run through the whole gamut of extreme emotions. I have been experiencing it for the last two weeks or so. My father, it seems, is on the verge of transmigration. Watching him progressively getting weaker and weaker has left me totally on the mercy of the storms of all sorts of emotions. I seem to have lost total control of myself. I have undergone a series of very intense catharses, hurting myself and others in the process.

Today, it seems that his end is very near. I don’t think it would take more than a week. It might happen even tonight. But paradoxially, I am feeling so serene at this moment. Life seems so meaningless, as if it doesn’t matter at all. As if nothing matters anymore. The pain, the pleasure, the security, the perils – nothing matters in the end. What matters is this very moment. How? It is very difficult to put in words. You just know that this very moment is all that matters. You get sucked into this moment deeper and deeper, and it feels so peaceful. You don’t want to come out of it.

I am sitting near his bed, using my laptop to write this post. From the moment I have started feeling this serenity, he seems to have calmed down too. It seems my calm has rubbed onto him. It is good. I will sign off now, and try to remain in this very moment for as long as I can.

But to question a close friend’s very motive is too cruel unless you have certain evidence about it. Claiming that your friend might be trying to take advantage of you, is too cheap unless you can corroborate your accusation. It will hurt your friend too deeply. The fact that such thoughts could appear in your mind is enough evidence for the friendship to be over from your side at least. Because once you stop trusting someone, no matter what he does or doesn’t for you, you will always tend to see ulterior motives in your friend’s actions and speech.

I don’t know if it is a virtue or a weakness to be trusting in general. If it is a weakness, I suffer from it too badly. I tend to use all my intellect to justify some seemingly unreasonable or thoughtless behaviour from people. I never forget that people are weak inside no matter how strong they appear outwardly. I know that deep down we are all similar kind of people with similar needs and aspirations. But this has caused me too much pain too many times. I feel too sick of it, but I guess I can’t change my psychological makeup easily to turn into a person who questions the motives of people he comes across. And why should I? I do believe that a trusting disposition is a virtue even if it allows you to get duped by the world at large.

If I have been of any worth to my friend, I think he would or should call me back. If not, it would be clear to me that I was worth nothing to him. Anyway, yesterday’s incident only added to the pain I have already been suffering from for quite some time.

And then, one day, you awake to the fact. You finally realize that it is of no use. You acknowledge that the game was unwinnable. You recall all the negative signs and together they jolt you with a great shock as you find that you were in fact aware of them all the while but were deluding yourself and rationalising the irrational.

Hope tilts the balance in favour of any thing you want no matter what the cost.

To lose even that tiniest hope, brings you the greatest pain you can imagine. It is at this point that people go mad, or commit suicide. Life loses its meaning, nothing matters any more, and you find it difficult to even breathe.

It doesn’t really matter what you were hoping for. But the more insignificant the thing you wanted, and the greater the intesity of your desire, the greater would be the pain. If you simply wanted something trivial which mattered a great deal to you, the disappointment will gnaw at your innards till you start feeling totally empty.

It is said in many tradtions that the times of adversity are tests designed to test your mettle or faith or whatever. But who cares about such tests? Did you opt for taking such a test? No, it was thrust upon you, and you got tortured. Who wants to take such tests?

But then, the loss of that most tenuous thread of hope, can wake you up from you dream-ful slumber. You start seeing, no, acknowledging, the things as they are. You knew the reality before too, but you saw it in a translucent haze caused by your hope and silly desires.

So what happens when you wake up? The pain is still there, but you know what needs to be done. You knew it earlier too, but that little sliver of hope prevented you from taking any meaningful action. And there is only one meaningful action you can take; that is to let go. You can’t hold on to something which is slipping from your hands no matter how hard you try to grip it. You can’t turn the tide of events which are beyond your control. But you can do one thing: you can let go what you had been desperately trying to hold on to. It might sound a bit preposterous, but it is the truth: you can let go; that is the only thing you can do. You cannot tighten your grip any further beyond your strength, but you can always let go as letting go doesn’t need any strength in your limbs. You see that it was your effort to hold on to something slippery which was causing you anguish, and you just quit.

What a relief it can be. Are you in some deep love which is not reciprocated as you desire? Let go. Are you in the danger of losing someone you love on account of some terrible disease or accident? Let go. Are you not being properly understood and valued by people who matter a lot in your life? Let go; accept it.

You might complain that it is not easy to let go, but I tell you: trying to hold on is far more difficult and painful. Unless you are a diehard masochist, you would let go at some point or the other. Actually, you would be forced to let it go. It is far easier if you could let it go without any compulsion. It would be far easier to learn not to try to hold on to something. You might learn it by reading the words I am writing, or you might learn the truth after going through the hell yourself.

I just hope that you haven’t stumbled on this post AFTER you have gone through some hell. I hope you have come here BEFORE you experience it, and learn from this post.

And before I sign off, here is an unasked for advice: don’t ever do, or not do, anything, which you know would really hurt another human being. Such acts of commission, or omission, have a way to come back to you sooner or later.

Did I ever stop to make you smile
When your day was hard or your road was long?
When your light stopped shining for a while,
Did I sing for you a happy song?

Did I ever stop to say I care
When I didn’t seek to hear it too?
When you weren’t so sure that I’d be there,
Did I ever show my love for you?

If you have been a friend of mine, and you can say “yes” to the questions raised in the poem, I have been a true friend for you. Have you been a true friend to me? Read my parody to this poem:

Did you ever stop to make me smile
When my day was hard or my road was long?
When my light stopped shining for a while,
Did you sing for me a happy song?

Did you ever stop to say you care
When you didn’t seek to hear it too?
When I wasn’t so sure that you’d be there,
Did you ever show your love for me?

What I am going through at present is probably something existential; it has nothing to do with any individual. I don’t know if I am able to make myself clear or if you would be able to understand it. What I am going through raises the ultimate question: can you be independent of anything or anyone else? Can you really be “independent”? The question has been raised to me by existence, and I am in the process of finding out the answer. So far, the answer is both yes and no, but ultimately one is going to prove to be correct.

I know the intellectual answer, but I want to know the existential answer too; and I am sure I will know it pretty soon.

तेरा हिज्र मेरा नसीब है तेरा ग़म ही मेरी हयात है
मुझे तेरी दूरी का ग़म हो क्यों तू कहीं भी हो मेरे साथ है

(हिज्र: Separation, हयात: Life)

मेरे वास्ते तेरे नाम पर कोई हर्फ़ आये नहीं नहीं
मुझे ख़ौफ़-ए-दुनिया नहीं मगर मेरे रू-ब-रू तेरी ज़ात है

(हर्फ़: Blame, ज़ात: Person)

तेरा वस्ल ऐ मेरी दिलरुबा नहीं मेरी किस्मत तो क्या हुआ
मेरी महजबीं यही कम है क्या तेरी हसरतों का तो साथ है

(वस्ल: Tryst, महजबीं: With a moon like forehead)

तेरा इश्क़ मुझ पे है मेहरबाँ मेरे दिल को हासिल है दो जहाँ
मेरी जान-ए-जाँ इसी बात पर मेरी जान जाये तो बात है

चित्रपट / Film: Raziaa Sultaan
संगीतकार / Music Director: Khaiyyam
गीतकार / Lyricist: Jaan Nisar Akhtar
गायक / Singer(s): Kabban Mirza

आई ज़ंजीर की झनकार ख़ुदा ख़ैर करे
दिल हुआ किसका ग़िरफ़्तार ख़ुदा ख़ैर करे

जाने ये कौन मेरी रूह को छूकर ग़ुज़रा
एक क़यामत हुई बेदार ख़ुदा ख़ैर करे

लम्हा मेरी आँखों में खिंची जाती है
एक चमकती हुई तल्वार ख़ुदा ख़ैर करे

ख़ून दिल का न छलक जाए कहीं आँखों से
हो न जाए कहीं इज़हार ख़ुदा न करे

I know that there are certain circumstances when one can’t be happy for reasons beyond one’s control. But the reasons shouldn’t include what others will say or think; to hell with the world. You came alone, and will depart alone. No one else should be able to dictate the terms of your life. You are too insignificant in the grander scheme of the existence to bother about the world or society or others. If you are able to take care of yourself, and make yourself rejoice, that is more than enough. The existence will rejoice with you as you too are a part of the whole.

If we could remember one simple rule, to drop absolutely anything which makes us unhappy, we would be so much happier. There is an exception (actually that is not an exception if you analyse it deeply) to this rule, but I will tell you about this sometime later. Give it a thought, though: what could be the exception?

I hate only one thing in my life, and that is to find myself imposing on others for my own needs or wants. I have’t yet been able to free myself of this even though there are only a few wishes unfulfilled in my life as I have been able to drop most of them.

It is funny, and also quite painful, to find yourself stumbling at the blocks you thought you had overcome. I have learned and experienced many lessons during last one year or so, and these lessons have given me strength I hadn’t imagined possible before. But I had to go through real personal hell which made me question many a time if those lessons were worth the pain I had to endure. Probably one doesn’t have any choice even in the matter of the lessons life chooses to teach.

Imagine there is a bank that credits your account each morning with $86,400. It carries over no balance from day to day.

Every evening deletes whatever part of the balance you failed to use during the day. What would you do?

Draw out ALL OF IT, of course!!!!

Each of us has such a bank. Its name is TIME. Every morning, it credits you with 86,400 seconds. Every night it writes off, as lost, whatever of this you have failed to invest to good purpose.

It carries over no balance. It allows no overdraft.

Each day it opens a new account for you. Each night it burns the remains of the day. If you fail to use the day’s deposits, the loss is yours.

There is no going back. There is no drawing against the “tomorrow.” You must live in the present on today’s deposits. Invest it so as to get from it the utmost in health, happiness, and success! The clock is running. Make the most of today.

To realize the value of ONE YEAR, ask a student who failed a grade.

To realize the value of ONE MONTH, ask a mother who gave birth to a premature baby.

To realize the value of ONE WEEK, ask the editor of a weekly newspaper.

To realize the value of ONE HOUR, ask the lovers who are waiting to meet.

To realize the value of ONE MINUTE, ask a person who missed the train.

To realize the value of ONE-SECOND, >ask a person who just avoided an accident.

To realize the value of ONE MILLISECOND, ask the person who won a silver medal in the Olympics.

Treasure every moment that you have!

And treasure it more because you shared it with someone special, special enough to spend your time.

And remember that time waits for no one.

Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery.

Today is a gift. That’s why it’s called the present!!!

Friends are a very rare jewel, indeed. They make you smile and encourage you to succeed. They lend an ear, they share a word of praise, and they always want to open their heart to us.

For the last one year or so, I have turned too sensitive. I have had premonitions which turned out to be true most of the times, I am touched to the quick so easily, and have heard too many bad news all around me. It has made me so fearful and unstable that I now wish to lose this damn sensitivity completely; it hurts me no end. I now prefer to be a totally insensitive soul, but don’t know if it is at all possible to lose my sensitivity willingly.

Do you have any suggestions for me?

करेगा याद कोई क्या तुम्हे हमारे बाद,
कभी रहा नहीं किसी का गम ज़माने को.

होता नहीं कुछ माज़ी-ए-गम से हासिल
करो न याद भुला दो मेरे फ़साने को.

कहाँ से लायें तेरे बाद खुशी के नगमे,
करेंगे गमजदा अब हम हरेक तराने को.

सिवा यादों के कुछ नहीं है अब हमारे पास,
भला हम कैसे भुला दें तेरे फ़साने को.

रहे रूठे हुए इस आस में क़यामत तक,
कभी तो आओगे तुम भी हमें मनाने को.

हँसी लबों पे मेरे आज आ नहीं सकती,
तुम्हारी याद चली आई है रुलाने को.

I am reminded of a wonderful old song:

हम तेरे प्यार में सारा आलम…

हम तेरे प्यार में सारा आलम – Hum Tere Pyar Mein Sara Aalam (Lata Mangeshkar)
Movie/Album : दिल एक मंदिर (1963)
Music By : शंकर-जयकिशन
Lyrics By : हसरत जयपुरी
Performed By : लता मंगेशकर

हम तेरे प्यार में सारा आलम खो बैठे
तुम कहते हो कि ऐसे प्यार को भूल जाओ, भूल जाओ
हम तेरे…

पंछी से छुड़ाकर उसका घर, तुम अपने घर पर ले आये
ये प्यार का पिंजरा मन भाया, हम जी भर-भर कर मुस्काये
जब प्यार हुआ इस पिंजरे से, तुम कहने लगे आज़ाद रहो
हम कैसे भुलायें प्यार तेरा, तुम अपनी ज़ुबाँ से ये न कहो
अब तुमसा जहां में कोई नहीं है, हम तो तुम्हारे हो बैठे
तुम कहते…

इस तेरे चरण की धूल से हमने, अपनी जीवन मांग भरी
जब ही तो सुहागन कहलाई, दुनिया के नज़र में प्यार बनीं
तुम प्यार की सुन्दर मूरत हो, और प्यार हमारी पूजा है
अब इन चरणों में दम निकले, बस इतनी और तमन्ना है
हम प्यार के गंगाजल से बलम जी, तनमन अपना धो बैठे
तुम कहते…

सपनों का दर्पण देखा था, सपनों का दर्पण तोड़ दिया
ये प्यार का आँचल हमने तो, दामन से तुम्हारे बाँध लिया
ये ऐसी गाँठ है उल्फत की, जिसको न कोई भी खोल सका
तुम आन बसे जब इस दिल में, दिल फिर तो कहीं ना डोल सका
ओ प्यार के सागर हम तेरी लहरों में नांव डुबो बैठे
तुम कहते…

ज़ब्त करके जी रहा हूँ है नहीं तुझको खबर,
डूब जाए ये जहाँ गर चश्म को सेर-आब कर लूँ.

(चश्म – Eye, सेर-आब – Moist)

नेक कह करती रही मुझको ये दुनिया इस्तेमाल,
सोचता हूँ क्यों न अपनी नेकनामी खराब कर लूँ.

ये तमन्ना इक ज़माने भर से दिल में है जवाँ,
रूबरू होकर मैं तुझसे ज़िन्दगी कामयाब कर लूँ.

करके रोशन बज़्म-ए-दिल करता रहा मैं इन्तिज़ार,
तू न आया तो ये दिल कहता है खाना खराब कर लूँ.

The point I wish to make in this post is that what we call “understanding” occurs at different levels, the most superficial one being intellectual. One can intellectually get convinced of some idea or concept and even argue in its favour or against quite powerfully. But it is quite another thing to understand something at the level of “being” which is the deepest level of our existence; the intermediate level is “emotional” where women outdo men in most of the matters. Mere intellectual understanding doesn’t influence or change one’s behaviour pattern much, and we continue to tread the old beaten path which lead us to being more and more miserable. Though intellectual understanding is not of much help in breaking out of the mold, its utility lies in the fact that it provides a foundation upon which a deeper understanding can grow.

I have been thinking of writing this post for quite some time. Intially I thought of expanding upon my original article. But then I decided to write it as a separate post on my blog as it involves detailing my own personal experience I have had since I wrote the original article. For the sake of considerations of privacy, I can’t be as explicit as I would like to. But I would try to explain what I experienced in as clear words as I am capable of.

I would begin with a simple statement. Intellectual understanding involves the use of words. No matter who writes or speaks those words, no matter how articulate the person uttering those words is, no matter how well you think you understand what the other person is trying to say, you don’t really understand or “know” it unless you see or experience the concept yourself. No matter how well I describe a lotus, unless you see it for yourself you won’t really “know” what a lotus is like. If you get the drift of what I am trying to say, you will appreciate that when it comes to abstract concepts like our behaviour, its roots, our motives and desires, the things are much more difficult to really understand.

I have been convinced of the fact that desire itself is the root cause of our disappointments, frustrations and miseries for quite some time. I have been trying to deal with my own desires by first recognising them as and when they became detectable on the radar of my consciousness, and then by trying to become indifferent to their pulls. Depending on their intensity, they require time and effort on my part to get rendered neutral and harmless. The effort I have to make involves nothing more than becoming more and more conscious of my desires and the way they influence my demeanour. Though I haven’t been able to get rid of all my desires , I have been able to render most of them impotent once I become aware of them.

Last year, I was in for a rude shock. My destiny probably decided to make a practical demostration of what I thought I already knew well enough. I was to undergo a whole range of experiences which were totally unexpected for me. I was to watch myself being buffetted all around by the storm that was brewing on the horizon, and I was to internalise certain truths I had known only intellectually.

I came across a person who I would name as Junglee here. After some initial interactions, I started feeling a certain pull towards him. I have referred to Junglee in one of my earlier posts (contentment) too. What I felt after each meeting with him was indescribable. It was as if some deep rooted needs of my being were getting fulfilled. Even though I knew, intellectually of course, all the while that what each of us needs is already there within us, it was much easier to simply get in touch with Junglee and have a high for some time, rather than digging deep within my own self and sifting through lots of garbage to find the gems. The dependence on him kept on growing. I knew that this dependence was not good. I knew that sooner or later I will have to get rid of it, but still I kept on trying to tread the easier path. At the same time, I also kept on trying to win back my independence, and seek within what was getting fulfilled through the contact with Junglee. It was like I was struggling against myself, with the only difference that it wasn’t actually a struggle in the strict sense. It was not an active struggle; it was only that I was aware of the conflicting emotions within myself.

The so called inner struggle became so violent, and I say this only because I was able to view it dispassionately, that it became unbearable. I lost interest in everything else, and was engrossed all the time with my own emotions. Much surfaced from the depth of my self, which I didn’t like very much. I could see myself in stark nudity. I could see how selfish I could be when it came to gratifying myself. I could see how difficult it was for me to be selfless even though I knew how it could help me fulfill my own needs. I could see how jealous I could be even though I never thought I could ever feel jealous towards anyone for any reason. I could see my own helplessness and my weakness the extent of which I had never even imagined before. I was reminded of a very famous couplet by Kabir: “Buraa Jo dekhan main chalaa, buraa na miliyaa koi, jo dil dhoondha aapnaa, mujhsaa bura na koi”. I felt really so ashamed of myself when I witnessed my own weaknesses.

For quite sometime, a sense of shame was the overwhelming emotion I had been under. I used to think that I was one of the better specimen of human beings. I used to think that I knew more than many of the people around me. I thought that I understood more about life. I still think so, but now I realise how inadequate all that knowledge and understanding is if it remains stuck only at the intellectual level.

This is the chasm I am talking about: the chasm between intellectual understanding and your own deeper self which is driven by your subconscious.

The needs of mine which were getting fulfilled by being in contact with Junglee were deeper than emotional; I like to think that probably they were kind of spiritual. Had Junglee been a female, or had I been gay, I would have had no hesitation in claiming that I was in deep love with him; a companionate kind of love. I can’t even call him some sort of Guru as our interactions were not the kind that occurs between a teacher and a pupil. I can only say that Junglee is probably a fellow traveler on the path of personal and spiritual growth. I think he was sent to me by the providence for making me experience whatever I have gone through during the period.

I don’t know if we shall travel for some distance together again, if at all. I don’t know if our togetherness was meant only for the short duration we have already had gone through. I haven’t ever tried to gaze into my future with intensity and curiosity as I do now, even though I know that even this is a mistake.

Keeping my fingers crossed…

सामने औरों के तो हँसता रहा,
हो मुखातिब तेरे रोना चाहता हूँ.

गर हो मुमकिन तो तेरे दिल का कँवल,
अपने अश्कों से भिगोना चाहता हूँ.

अपने हाथों जाविदाँ खुशियों के फूल,
तेरी जुल्फों में पिरोना चाहता हूँ.

(जाविदाँ = Permanent)

हो सहर जिसकी क़यामत के ही रोज़,
एक ऎसी नींद सोना चाहता हूँ.

मिलते रहे अहबाब बिछुड़ते रहे,
ज़िंदगी का कारवां चलता रहा.

(अहबाब – Friends)

कैसे बचाता तिफ्ल बेबस सादगी,
क़ालिब-ए-दुनिया में बस ढलता रहा.

(तिफ्ल – Child, क़ालिब – Mould)

क्या ग़ज़ब था जो मुझे तू मिल गया,
रश्क में सारा जहाँ जलता रहा.

(रश्क – Jealousy)

उलझा रहा औरों की सोहबत में “अशोक”
और खुद से सामना टलता रहा.

(सोहबत – Company)

And some in lighter vein..

ख्वाहिश-ए-आराम में शादी किया,
फिर पकौड़े मूंग के तलता रहा.

बेरहम था यार सा मेरा रकीब,
मूंग छाती पर मेरी दलता रहा.

ले गया मेरे यार को मेरा रकीब,
और बेबस हाथ मैं मलता रहा.

And finally, this question: The mystery of whose story it will be of who draws the curtains?
Who is it that chooses our steps in a dance?
Who drives us mad, lashes us with whips and crowns us with victory when we survive the impossible?
Who is it that does all these things?
Who honours those with love for the very life we live?
Who sends monsters to kill us, and at the same time things that will never die?
Who teaches us what’s real and how to laugh at lies?
Who decides why we live and what we’ll die to defend?
Who chains us, and who holds the key that can set us free?
It’s you.

- Narration from the Movie “Sucker Punch”. The movie itself is not worth watching even once.

Get Stupid. Get True. Get True-pid.

I read this today at some blog; I would add the link tomorrow.

But:

“Stupid is expressing yourself with pure abandon.”

Loved this line :=). To add something of my own:

Each one of us is stupid in reality no matter what the IQ or how much we scored in our exams. Deep down we are all stupid no matter how much …we have read or understood. We began as stupids, and would end as stupids. It is only in the middle that we pretend and try to show that we are not stupid.

So you thought I was smart and are now shocked to see me behave stupidly. So what? When I regress to my childhood, I find myself as stupid as I ever was, and as stupid as anone else I have seen or met.

So you have better control over yourself, and you never expose yourself. So what? That only means you are a better pretender, and that makes you a greater stupid (lol).

Consider this:
Does it really matter if you prove to be smarter or more knowledgeable than others or not? What would really matter in your life is to have a person or two around or with you who can accept you with all your stupidity and frailties with love.

In my own experience, I have seen the magic your honesty can perform. We all know deep inside that we behave dishonestly all the time. We all know that we keep on pretending to be someone we aren’t, that we are so great or we are so considerate. But the truth is that each moment of our lives we are only driven by our own self interests. It is impossible to be selfless; selfishness is programmed into our genes, otherwise it wouldn’t be possible for various life forms to exist or subsist.

So I express myself with abandon if and when I feel like. It has landed me in some awkward situations, and I know that in future too it will, but I don’t care. Life is too short, and too uncertain, to be bothered about such issues. Ask someone who has lost a dear one suddenly, or is on the verge of losing one.

So, today I declare: I am one of the stupidest, selfishest (if you can tolerate this word ), and most inconsiderate guys you have ever met in your life, and if you still feel I am worthy of being your friend, you are welcome. Hats off to you.

गए जब से तुम हमें छोड़ के
हर राह सूनी हो गयी,
नहीं चैन मुझको कहीं मिला
सहरा हो या कोई रंगमहल.

मुझे याद आता है रात दिन
तेरे संग गुज़रा हरेक पल

अब हाथ मेरा थाम लो,
अब और न चल पायेंगे,
अब जो गिरे न उठेंगे हम
देखो थक गए हैं संभल संभल.

मुझे याद आता है रात दिन
तेरे संग गुज़रा हरेक पल

कभी तुम भी हमको पुकार लो,
या इक सदा से नवाज़ दो,
तो ये ठोकरें खाए कदम
कुछ देर को जाएँ सम्भल

मुझे याद आता है रात दिन
तेरे संग गुज़रा हरेक पल

तेरी इक सदा मेरे नाम की,
या इक निगाह मेरी तरफ,
फिर से खिला देगी मेरा
सूखा हुआ दिल का कँवल.

मुझे याद आता है रात दिन
तेरे संग गुज़रा हरेक पल

*Crazy people!!!! *

=======*

*When Rajnikant was a Student…!!!*

*Teachers use to Bunk the classes!!!*

=======*

*Rajnikant purchased a road roller…*

*Guess why??????*

*To Iron his Clothes……………………………*

=======*

*Rajnikant was shot today..*

*Funeral of the bullet is tomorrow…:D*

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*THE MOST NEGLECTED FACT OF THE ENTIRE DECADE!!!!*

*Sachin Tendulkar’s mothers name is RAJNI Tendulkar…*

*And his coach’s name is ramaKANT*

*Is there a need to say anything beyond this???*

======

*Once a farmer replaces scare crow in the farm with Rajnikant ’s statue…*

*..And Birds returned grains they took last year as well*

=======*

*Tonight at 9 Rajani can be seen in the sky… as he is participating in a high jump event…*

=======*

*Rajnikanth’s next project is the Titanic in Tamil. However, Rajni has twisted the climax. Both the lead actors survive. Rajni swims across the Atlantic Ocean with the heroine in one hand and… the Titanic in the other*

=======*

*“Rajnikanth doesn’t breathe…air comes to hide in his lungs” *

=======*

*All scientists failed to answer this but rajnikanth did…

Ques: Which liquid turns solid on heating?

Ans: Dosa…

mind it!!!*

=======*

*Once a photo of Rajnikant was given for Xerox. Don’t even try to guess what happened…*

*We got two copies of the Xerox machine.*

हैरत से यूँ न देखिये, ज़र्रा हुआ तो क्या हुआ
अपनी जगह पे जान-ए-मन, ज़र्रा भी आफ़ताब है
गर तू है लाजवाब तो, मेरा कहाँ जवाब है
माना मेरे हसीं सनम

तेरे शबाब का सुरूर छाया जो दो जहाँ पर
मेरी निगाह-ए-शौक़ से आया ये इनक़लाब है
गर तू है लाजवाब तो, मेरा कहाँ जवाब है
माना मेरे हसीं सनम

जानता तू होगा कि तेरा सुकूत,
इस दिले-नाज़ुक में खंज़र सा लगे.

(सुकूत = silence)

मेरे पिन्दारे-मुहब्बत की ना पूछ,
चूर होकर आज ज़र्रा सा लगे.

(पिन्दारे-मुहब्बत = pride of love)

डर रहा हूँ दर्द जो तुमने दिया,
आह बनकर ना तुम्हें ये जा लगे.

माँगता हूँ बस यही इतनी दुआ,
तू मेरी मानिंद दुखने ना लगे.

दिल में है इतनी मुहब्बत कि “अशोक”,
आज भी क़ातिल वो अपना सा लगे.

The purpose of words
is to convey ideas.
When the ideas are grasped
The words are forgotten.

Where can I find a man
Who has forgotten words?
He is the one I would like to talk to.

- Chuang Tzu

नींद गर न भी आये, तो भी रातें बीत जाती हैं,
तन्हाईयाँ कुछ हसरतों के गीत गाती हैं,
बाक़ी नहीं अब यूँ तो कोई गम मगर फिर भी,
तुम्हारी याद आती है तो पलकें भीग जाती हैं.

If fishes, born in water,
seek the deep shadow of pond and pool,
all their needs are satisfied.

If man, born in Tao,
sinks into the deep shadow of non-action,
to forget aggression and concern,
he lacks nothing,
and his life is secure.

- Chuang Tzu

जो भरा नहीं है भावो से, बहती जिसमे रसधार नहीं,
ह्रदय नहीं वह पत्थर है , जिसमे स्वदेस का प्यार नहीं

अब मेरी तो पुरानी आदत है बहस करने की, सो मैंने भी कविता में ही प्रत्युत्तर दिया:

जो भरा ह्रदय है भावों से, दुखता रहता वह घावों से,
उस पार न जाने क्या होगा, पर चैन उसे इस पार नहीं.

A friend complained that this lovely, melodious song was too short. I agreed with him as it was composed of only four lines. So I decided to extend it by adding a few more lines.

Here is the original lyrics:

kabhee tanahaeeyon mein yoon humaaree yaad aayegee
andhere chhaa rahe honge, ke bijalee kaundh jaayegee

ye bijalee raakh kar jaayegee tere pyaar kee duniyaan
naa fir too jee sakegaa aaur naa tuz ko maut aayegee

I added the following lines:

सितारों तुम भी कुछ मेरी तरह उम्मीद तो कर लो,
घडी भर चैन से सोयें, कभी वो रात आएगी.

भुलाना चाह कर भी भूल ना पाओगे तुम हमको,
सुनोगे जब कोई नगमा, हमारी याद आएगी.

मेरी बरबादियों का ज़िक्र जब भी होगा दुनिया में,
खता कोई नहीं फिर भी, तुम्हारी बात आएगी.

Not because of cunning or daring,
Not because he has learned –
But because he has unlearned.

His nature sinks to his root in the one.
His vitality, his power,
Hide in secret Tao.

When he is all one,
There is no flaw in him
By which a wedge can enter.

So a drunken man who falls out of a wagon
Is bruised, but not destroyed,
His bones are like the bones of other men,
But his fall is different.
His spirit is entire.
He is not aware of getting into the wagon,
Or falling out of it.
Life and death are nothing to him.
He knows no alarm,
He meets obstacles without thought,
without care,
And takes them without knowing they are there.

If there is such sincerity in wine,
How much more in Tao?
The wise man is hidden in Tao,
Nothing can touch him.

- Chuang Tzu

मुन्तज़िर अशआर हैं बस तेरे तब्सिरा के,
तारीफ़ न कर पाए तो तनक़ीद भी मंज़ूर है.

हैं मुहाफ़िज़ हर घडी उस हादिसे के बाद से,
दिल हमारा यूँ तो अब दर्द ओ अलम से दूर है.

हो गए गुम गर्दिश-ए-दौराँ में यूँ तो चंद लोग,
बज़्म-ए-दिल यादों से ताहम आज भी पुरनूर है.

नफरतें कुबूल हैं और इश्क पर हैं बंदिशें,
वाह री दुनिया अजब तेरा यहाँ दस्तूर है.

He will flow like Tao, unseen…

He will go about like life itself,
With no name and no home.
Simple is he, without.
To all appearances he is a fool.

His steps leave no trace.
He has no power.
He achieves nothing.
He has no reputation.

Since he judges no one,
No one judges him.
Such is the perfect man.
His boat is empty.

- Chuang Tzu

If an elder brother
Steps on his younger brother’s foot
He says, “Sorry.”
And that is that.

If a parent steps on his child’s foot
Nothing is said at all.

The greatest politeness
Is free from all formality.
Perfect conduct is free of concern.
Perfect wisdom is unplanned.
Perfect love is without demonstrations.
Perfect sincerity offers no guarantee.

— Chuang Tzu

रहो तुम दूर ही मुझसे कि मैं न चाहूँगा,
कि मेरा ग़म कहीं तुमको उदास कर जाए.

कोई बेचारगी छाई है ज़ेहन पर ऐसी,
ग़म किसीका हो दिल को उदास कर जाए.

ग़म-ओ-ख़ुशी की हद से अब मैं बाहर हूँ,
जहाँ में कुछ नहीं अब जो उदास कर जाए.

तेरे दीदार-ए-रुख से रोज अब मैं डरता हूँ,
कहीं वो जुस्तजू न फिर उदास कर जाए.

कहने से पहले इतना तो ख़याल कर “अशोक”,
कि तेरी बात न उस को उदास कर जाए.

(बेसबब = Aimless)

था अज़ल से तेरे आने का मुझे एक इन्तिज़ार,
तुम जो आये मिल गया आराम फिर इस रूह को.

(अज़ल = Time immemorial)

खोजता फिरता था मैं, शै कोई इक अनजान सी,
देख तुझको याद आई बात कुछ इस रूह को.

हैं बहुत यूँ तो कई खुशियाँ मेरी इस जीस्त में,
इक कमी खलती है तेरी, पुरसुकूं इस रूह को.

(पुरसुकूं = Peaceful, जीस्त = life)

मान लूँगा मैं तेरा एहसान, गर तू दे सके,
क़ैद-ए-अरमाँ से रिहाई जो कभी इस रूह को.

मत नसीहत दे मुझे नासेह, कि भाती नहीं,
वक़्त-ए-रुखसत इल्म की बातें किसी मजरूह को.

(नासेह = Preacher, वक़्त-ए-रुखसत = Time of departure, मजरूह = wounded/hurt/smitten)

चुभता हूँ किसी ख़ार की मानिंद मैं,
पर दोस्तों से दूर रह नहीं पाता.

कोई कमी अलफ़ाज़ की नहीं है मुझे,
जज़्बात फिर भी खुल के कह नहीं पाता.

ग़म से तेरे है मेरा ग़म कहीं कमतर,
कमज़ोर हूँ इसको भी सह नहीं पाता.

मालूम है तुम अपना दर न खोलोगे,
बिन दिए सदा फिर भी मैं रह नहीं पाता.

Watch at Youtube

कैसे बताएँ, क्यूँ तुझको चाहें, यारा बता ना पाएँ.
बातें दिलो की, देखो जो बाकी, आँखें तुझे समझाएँ.
तू जाने ना ….

मिलके भी, हम ना मिले, तुम से ना जाने क्यूँ,
मीलों के, हैं फासले, तुम से ना जाने क्यूँ,
अनजाने हैं सिलसिले तुम से ना जाने क्यूँ
सपने हैं, पलकों तले, तुम से ना जाने क्यूँ

कैसे बताएँ, क्यूँ तुझको चाहें, यारा बता ना पाएँ.
बातें दिलो की, देखो जो बाकी, आँखें तुझे समझाएँ.
तू जाने ना ….

निगाहों में देखो मेरी जो है बस गया,
वो है मिलता तुमसे हूबहू,
जाने तेरी आँखें थी या, बातें थी वजह,
हुए तुम जो दिल की आरज़ू
तुम पास हो के भी, तुम आस हो के भी, एहसास हो के भी, अपने नहीं,
ऐसे हैं, हमको गिले, तुम से ना जाने क्यूँ,
मीलों के, हैं फासले, तुम से ना जाने क्यूँ,
तू जाने ना …..

ख्यालों में, लाखों बातें यूँ तो कह गया,
बोला कुछ ना तेरे सामने
हुए ना बेगाने भी तुम होके और के
देखो तुम ना मेरे ही बने
अफ़सोस होता है, दिल भी ये रोता है, सपने संजोता है, पगला हुआ,
सोचे ये, हम थे मिले, तुमसे ना जाने क्यूँ

मीलों के, हैं फासले, तुम से ना जाने क्यूँ,
अनजाने हैं सिलसिले तुम से ना जाने क्यूँ
सपने हैं, पलकों तले, तुम से ना जाने क्यूँ
कैसे बताएँ, क्यूँ तुझको चाहें, यारा बता ना पाएँ.
बातें दिलो की, देखो जो बाकी, आँखें तुझे समझाएँ.
तू जाने ना ….

Kaise batayein Kyun tujhko chahe Yaara batha na paayein
Baatein dil o ki Dekho jo baki Aake tujhe samjhaein
Tu jaane na ….

milke bhi, hum na mile Tumse na jaane kyun,
milo ke, Hai phasle tumse na jaane kyun
Anjaane, hai silsile Tum se na jaane kyun,
sapne hai Palko tale tum se na jaane kyun…

Kaise batayein Kyun tujhko chahe Yaara batha na paayein
Baatein dil o ki Dekho jo baki Aake tujhe samjhaein
Tu jaane na ….

Nigahon mein dehko Meri jo hai bas gaya
Woh hai milta tumse hubahoo
Jaane teri aankhein thiiN ya baatein thiiN vajah…
Huye tum jo dil ki aarzoo
Tum paas ho ke bhi, Tum aas ho ke bhi
Ehsaas ho ke bhi, Apne nahin
aise hai Hum ko gile
Tumse na jaane kyun..

Khayalon mein lakhon baatein, Yun toh keh gayaaaa..
Bola kuch na tere saamne
huye na begaane bhi Tum hoke aur ke
Dekho tum na mere hi bane
Aafsos hota hai, dil bhi yeh rotha hai
Sapne sanjotha hai, pagla hua
soche ye Hum the mile tum se na jaane kyun

थे नहीं थकते कभी हम कर बयाँ ये हाल-ए-दिल,
याद भी करने से उनको दिल झिझक रहा है अब.

रूक न पायेंगे कि हैं मज़बूर वो भी क्या करें,
छोड़ दे जाने दे उनको क्यूँ लिपट रहा है अब.

लौट आया है तू घर को बाद मुद्दत के “अशोक”
था भटकता चारसू वो मन सिमट रहा है अब.

(अयाँ = Clear, getting manifested)

मिलती है जब फुर्सत हमें अमले-ए-गुनाह से,
तो कर लिया करते हैं इबादत कभी कभी.

(अमले-ए-गुनाह = Deeds/acts of sin, इबादत = worship)

माना के आजकल बहुत मसरूफ हैं लेकिन,
कुछ तो निभाएं रस्म-ए-रफाकत कभी कभी.

(रफ़ाक़त = Friendship/Companionship, मसरूफ = Busy)

फरिश्ता नहीं इन्सान हूँ, ये भूल न जाऊं,
ग़ुरूर पर आती रहे आफत कभी कभी.

ज़ख्म तूने ही दिए गहरे मगर फिर भी,
करता है ये दिल तेरी हिमायत कभी कभी.

दुनिया में बे-ख़ता नहीं कोई मुआफ़ कर,
“अशोक” भी करता है हिमाक़त कभी कभी.

Funny or light hearted couplets:

पा कर उन्हें क्या हाल है ना पूछिए ज़नाब,
हम भेजते हैं खुद पे भी लानत कभी कभी.

बेशक उड़ायें आप सुबह-ओ-शाम गुलछर्रे,
पर दीजिये हमको भी तो दावत कभी कभी.

सुनते हैं जब कि आपने अकेले ऐश की,
हम भेजते हैं आप पर लानत कभी कभी.

एक निर्झर,
बह रहा है,
चकित हूँ मैं,
देख इसकी,
धार को,
प्रवाह को.

स्त्रोत इसका,
क्षुद्र है,
पर है अगम.
कौन थाहे,
आज इसकी,
चाह को.

यह ह्रदय ही,
स्त्रोत है,
हिमखंड सा,
जो पिघल
है बह रहा
बन अश्रु-जल.

आस है
कि सूख जाए,
पीर मन की
रीत जाए,
आज यदि संभव नहीं,
तो कल.

Ek nirjhar
bah rahaa hai,
chakit hun main
dekh iskii,
dhaar ko,
pravaah ko.

Strot iskaa
kshudr hai,
par hai agam.
kaun thaahe
aaj iskii
chaah ko.

yah hriday hii,
strot hai,
himkhand saa,
jo pighal
hai bah rahaa
ban ashru-jal.

Aas hai
ki sookh jaaye,
peer man ki
reet jaaye (becomes empty),
aaj yadi sambhav nahin,
to kal.

मौन कोई वस्तु है न,
मौन कोई व्यक्ति है,
भार है इसका न कोई,
न ही कोई शक्ति है,
है नहीं अस्तित्व इसका,
ये है एक अनुपस्थिति
अभिव्यक्ति की.

पर तुम्हारा मौन…

है हिमालय से भी भारी
ह्रदय पर,
गर्जता है कान में,
किसी सिन्धु सा,
झकझोरता अस्तित्व,
झंझावात सा.
चीरता उर को मेरे
गहराई तक,
और मेरे मर्म को
है पीर देता
मर्म-अन्तक.

Maun kya hai?

Maun koi vastu hai na,
maun koi vyakti hai,
bhaar hai iskaa na koi,
na hi koi shakti hai,
hai nahin astitva iskaa,
ye hai ek anupasthiti
abhivyakti kii.

par tumhaaraa maun…

Hai himalay se bhii bhaarii,
hriday par,
garjataa hai kaan me,
kisi sindhu saa,
jhakjhortaa astitva,
jhanjhaavaat sa.
cheertaa ur ko mere
gehraaii tak,
aur mere marm ko
hai peer detaa
marm-antak.

बारहा रुक कर सफ़र में सोचता हूँ मैं,
जब रु-बरु होगी कहेगी क्या मेरी मंजिल.

(बारहा = बार बार, रु-बरु = face to face)

Yun der hone se nahin nuksaan kuchh lekin,
Dar hai kahin mujh si na ho tanha miri manzil.

यूँ देर होने से नहीं नुकसान कुछ लेकिन,
डर है कहीं मुझ सी न हो तनहा मिरी मंजिल.

Hairan hun main is ghardish-e-hastii ko dekhkar,
raste hain ye Purpench aur hai sarfiri manzil

हैराँ हूँ मैं इस ग़र्दिश-ए-हस्ती को देखकर,
रस्ते हैं ये पुरपेंच और है सरफिरी मंजिल.

Faasalaa kam ho bhalaa kyonkar ye batlaao,
Main ik kadam to do kadam hatatii meri manzil

फासला कम हो भला क्योंकर ये बतलाओ,
मैं इक कदम तो दो कदम हटती मेरी मंजिल

Yun besabab jeete chale jaane se kya haasil,
Kuchh to khabar ho kya hai meri aakhiri manzil.

यूँ बेसबब जीते चले जाने से क्या हासिल,
कुछ तो खबर हो क्या है मेरी आखिरी मंजिल.

Do jahan mat dhoondh kuchh baahar nahin “Ashok”,
Bhiitar Tere hi hai wo teri muntazir manzil

दो जहाँ मत ढूँढ कुछ बाहर नहीं “अशोक”,
भीतर तेरे ही है वो तेरी मुन्तज़िर मंजिल.

(इत्तेहाद = friendship, इनइकाद = celebration)

हस्ती पे ये छाई है तीरगी सी चारसू,
दिल में मगर रोशन हैं तेरी याद के दीये.

(तीरगी = अँधेरा, चारसू = चारों तरफ)

जलने दें वीराने में, कि महफ़िल में आपकी,
कुछ काम न आयेंगे इस नाशाद के दीये

(नाशाद = Unhappy/Sad)

कहता चला जाऊँगा उनकी याद में अशआर,
बुझ जाएँ या रोशन रहें ये दाद के दीये.

(अशआर = Plural of Sher (couplet) दाद = applause, praise)

माना कि याँ छाई हुई है तीरगी लेकिन,
हों कैसे फ़रोज़ाँ दिल-ए-बर्बाद के दीये.

(फ़रोज़ाँ = illuminated)

ग़मगीन है महफ़िल मगर मज़बूर है “अशोक”,
खुद ग़मज़दा लाये कहाँ से शाद के दीये.

थक गए जब खेल मेरी जान से,
अब मिलोगे हमसे तुम अनजान से.

कैसे हो पायेंगे फिर से अजनबी,
दोस्त थे, न ग़ैर एक मेहमान से.

तुम ही मेरे दिल के हो सबसे करीब,
मान लो, कहता हूँ मैं ईमान से.

दे के खुशियाँ पल को फिर ग़म दे दिया,
ऐ खुदा, मत खेल मेरी जान से.

बढ़ रहा हूँ फिर से साहिल की तरफ,
थक गया लड़ जज़्बा-ए-तूफ़ान से.

अब सबक ये सीख ले नादाँ “अशोक”,
दूर ही रह हर हसीं अनजान से.

तुम भी लिखा करो कविता
self diagnosis का अच्छा तरीका है
अच्छी लिखी तो mind creative है
घटिया लिखी तो दिमाग खिसका है.

तुम भी लिखा करो कविता
मन फालतू ख्यालों से रीत जाता है
और कोई फायदा हो न हो
किसी Queue में waiting का टाइम अच्छा बीत जाता है.

कैसा तू पागल है रे, मन.

निठुर प्रेम की जोत जलाता,
चिर पीड़ा को गले लगाता,
जान बूझ कर नित हठपूर्वक,
विरह अग्नि में ह्रदय दहन.

कैसा तू पागल है रे, मन.

छोड़ गए हैं वो तो मुझको,
मृग-तृष्णा भाती पर तुझको,
आस नहीं तू तज पायेगा,
करता रह अब करुण रुदन.

कैसा तू पागल है रे, मन.

सरल नहीं स्मृतियों को खोना,
हो निश्चिन्त घडी भर सोना,
मैंने तुझे तो समझाया था,
कठिन बहुत यह भार वहन,

कैसा तू पागल है रे, मन.

मत भाग किसी तृष्णा के पीछे,
जाग, न रह यूँ अँखियाँ मीचे,
जा अंतर में, अंतरतम में,
हो शांत किया कर आत्म-मिलन,

कैसा तू पागल है रे, मन.

Who’ll take the only hearts they got
and throw them into the fire?
Who’ll risk their own self respect
in the name of desire?
Who’ll regret everything they’ve done
and who will get the bill?
Lovers will

Who’ll hurt each other all the time
and never give it a thought?
Who’ll lie about where they’ve been
and hope they never get caught?
Who’ll say each other’s kisses
no longer thrill?
Lovers will

Lovers will do almost anything
For the thrill that only love can bring
If love is a healer, who’ll be the first ones ill?
Lovers will

Who’ll never know what they’ve got
until it’s just about gone?
And whose arms will gather up what’s left
just to carry on?
And who’ll stalk that little bit of love
that hasn’t yet been killed?
Lovers will

Lovers will do almost anything
For the thrill that only love can bring
If love is a healer, who’ll be the first ones ill?
Lovers will

Ella Wheeler Wilcox:
What can be said in New Year rhymes,
That’s not been said a thousand times?
The new years come, the old years go,
We know we dream, we dream we know.
We rise up laughing with the light,
We lie down weeping with the night.
We hug the world until it stings,
We curse it then and sigh for wings.
We live, we love, we woo, we wed,
We wreathe our prides, we sheet our dead.
We laugh, we weep, we hope, we fear,
And that’s the burden of a year.

It was an year of extremes for me – lots of happiness, joy and euphoria I hadn’t experienced for years, then periods of despondency which almost felt like I was greatly depressed and which rekindled the painful memories of one of the worst periods of my life around 25 years back, times of utter peace, contentment and gratitude I have known only during and/or after meditations, bouts of frenetic activity, and hours and even days of just lazing around. I have experienced almost all the shades life can paint on the canvas in the year 2010. Certain dates of the past year have become etched in my memory in a way that they won’t be forgotten by me for as long as I live.

The new year begins on a sombre note. I can’t see far into it, but I know that it is going to bring me deeper understanding of life and myself. I also know that these lessons will not come for free; pain is the fee one has to pay for learning the lessons of life. And this pain results mostly from one’s own weaknesses which are brought to light by the vagaries of life. It is not that I haven’t been aware of my own weaknesses, but what rankles is the realization that certain understandings haven’t been able to penetrate deep enough into the subconscious to influence or modify my reactions and behaviour to external stimulii.

The process of growing up is rather painful. Many a times I have wondered if the lessons are worth the pain they inflict. And why at all should I be one of life’s better students? The knowledge that desire is the root cause of all the misery doesn’t prevent one from desiring fervently even the small and insignificant things which bring happiness to you. The knowledge that “letting go” is the key, doesn’t help you in letting go totally; a part of you will go on clinging to the mirages with shocking stubbornness and audacity.

Probably, more profound words than “know thyself” haven’t ever been uttered by anyone. But I wonder…what is there to know apart from your weaknesses? Seeing yourself in nudity with all your stupidity, greed, obstinacy and immaturity might bring enrichment ultimately, but it causes unbearable agony in the meanwhile.

Signing off with the hope that the understanding I have had penetrates much deeper into my psyche so as to guide my behaviour in this new year.

Ek Man Tha Mere Paas Woh Ab Khone Laga Hai
Paakar Tujhe Hai Mujhe Kuchh Hone Laga Hai
Ek Tere Bharose Pe Sab Baithee Hoon Bhool Ke
Yoon Hi Umar Guzar Jaye Tere Saath Guzar Jaye
Ankhiyon Ke Jharokhon Se…

Jeeti Hoon Tujhe Dekh Ke Marti Hoon Tumhi Pe
Tum Ho Jahan Saajan Meri Duniya Hai Wahin Pe
Din Raat Dua Maange Mera Man Tere Waaste
Kabhi Apni Ummeedon Ka Kahin Phool Na Murjhaye
Ankhiyon Ke Jharokhon Se…

Maein Jab Se Tere Pyar Ke Rangon Mein Rangi Hoon
Jaagte Hue Soi Nahin Neendon Mein Jagi Hoon
Mere Pyar Bhare Sapne Kahin Koi Na Chheen Le
Man Soch Ke Ghabraye Yahi Soch Ke Ghabraye
Ankhiyon Ke Jharokhon Se…

Lyricist: Majrooh Sultanpuri,

Ashkon Se Bharaa Dekhuun Kaise Terii Aankhon Ko
Ai Jaan Ye Sulagataa Gam, De De Merii Aankhon Ko, De De Merii
Palakon Pe Uthaa Luungaa, Sau Baar Tere Aansuu
Dekhe Nahiin Jaate

Tera gham-khaar hoon, lekin mein tujh tak aa nahi sakta
Mein apne naam teri, bekasi likhwa nahi sakta

Teri aankh ke ansoo peejaoon, Aisi meri taqdeer kahan
Tere gham mein tujhko behlaaoon, Aisi meri taqdeer kahan
Teri aankh ke ansoo peejaoon

Aye kaash jo milkar rote, kuch dard to halke hotay
Bekaar na jaate aansoo, kuch daagh jigar ke dhotay
Phir ranjh na hota itna, hai tanhaai mein jitna
Ab jaane ye rasta gham ka, hai aur bhi lamba kitna
Haalat ki uljhan suljhaoon, Aisi meri taqdeer kahan
Teri aankh ke ansoo peejaoon

Kya teri zulf ka lehra, hai ab tak wohi sunehra
Kya ab tak tere dar pe, deti hain hawayen pehra
Lekin hai ye khaam khayaali, teri zulf bani hai sawaali
Mohtaaj hai ek kali ki, ek roz thi phoolon waali
Wo zulf parishaan mehkaoon, Aisi meri taqdeer kahan

Teri aankh ke ansoo peejaoon, Aisi meri taqdeer kahan
Teri aankh ke ansoo peejaoon

सहर हुई है मगर सूझता नहीं कुछ भी,
नशा विसाल का हम पर अभी भी तारी है.

(सहर: Morning, विसाल: Tryst, meeting, तारी = छाया हुआ)

अब ये लगता है क़यामत को ही आएगी सहर
शब-ए-फिराक का हर लम्हा दिल पे भारी है.

(शब-ए-फिराक : Night of separation)

वफ़ा शामिल मेरी फितरत में है यारों मेरे,
ग़मों को छोड़ दूं कैसे पुरानी यारी है.

मेरी नज़र में ही वो ताब नहीं है वरना,
कहाँ “अशोक” से खालिक को पर्दादारी है.

(खालिक: God)

Na Tujhe Chhod Sakte Hain Tere Ho Bhi Nahi Sakte
Yeh Kaisi Bebasi Hai Aaj Hum Ro Bhi Nahi Sakte

Yeh Kaisa Dard Hai Pal-Pal Humein Tadpaaye Rakhta Hai
Tumhari Yaad Aati Hai To Phir So Bhi Nahi Sakte

Chhupa Sakte Hain Aur Na Dikha Sakte Hain Logon Ko
Kuch Aise Daagh Hain Dil Per Jo Hum Dho Bhi Nahi Sakte

Kahaa Tha Chhod Denge Yeh Nagar Phir Ruk Gaye Lekin
Tumhein Paa To Nahi Sakte Magar Kho Bhi Nahi Sakte

Hamaaraa ek Hona Bhi Nahi Mumkin Raha Ab To
Jeeyein Kaise Ke Tum Se Door ho Reh Bhi Nahi Sakte….

Meri zindagi me wohi gham raha,
tera saath bhi to bahut kam raha,
Dil ne saathi mere teri chaahat me the
khwaab kya kya bune.

Tere gesuon ka wo saayaa kahan,
wo bahon ka teri saharaa kahan,
ab wo aanchal kahaan meri palkon se jo
bheege moti chune.

Main to har mod par tujhko doonga sada,
meri aawaaz ko dard ke saaz ko tu sune na sune.

chaand ke rath mein, raat kee dulhan jab jab aayegee
yaad humaaree, aap ke dil ko, tadapaa jaayegee
aap ne jo hain diyaa, wo to kisee ne naa diyaa

aap kaa gam jo, is dil mein dinaraat agar hogaa
soch ke ye dam ghootataa hai, fir kaise gujar hogaa
kaash n aatee apanee judaee, maut hee aa jaatee
koee bahaane chain humaaree, ruh to paa jaatee
yek pal hasanaa kabhee, dil kee lagee ne naa diyaa

जो गए वो लौट कर आये नहीं,
अब कोई उनकी गली जाए नहीं.

ज़ख्म जो तूने दिए मेरी जान को,
उम्र गुज़री फिर भी भर पाए नहीं.

वो हुए क्यूँ आशना से अजनबी,
चाह कर भी हम समझ पाए नहीं.

है दुआ मेरी यही कि तू कभी,
हम सा तन्हाई में घबराए नहीं.

तू जहाँ चाहे वहीँ से प्यार ले,
कोई तेरी चाह ठुकराए नहीं.

क्या करें तुमसे गुज़ारिश और हम,
तुम हमें कुछ भी समझ पाए नहीं.

मिलती है दिल तोड़ने की जो सज़ा,
वो कभी मेरे यार तू पाए नहीं.

गुल खिलें यूँ तेरे क़दमों के तले,
कोई काँटा तुझको छू पाए नहीं.

अलविदा ऐ दोस्त तू यूँ खुश रहे,
पास तेरे ग़म कोई आये नहीं.

Sajni…

Tere uthne pe rukti hai…
Takne pe thamthi hai…
Meri sansein tere hi ishaaro pe chalti hai
Tere uthne pe rukti hai…
Takne pe thamti hai…
Meri sansein tere hi ishaaro pe chalti hai
Ek pal bhi reh na saku ho,
Ek pal bhi reh na saku
Itna pyar karta hoon…

Keh na saku mein itna pyar…
Arre…seh na saku mein
Seh na saku mein itna pyaar…
Keh na saku mein itna pyar,
Itna pyaar karta hoon…

Sajni…

The real dilemmas in life are those which present you with a Hobson’s choice. No matter what you decide, no matter which course you choose, it is all the same: equally painful, equally confusing, equally disorienting. You don’t even know which option would make you suffer a lesser agony, a lesser angst.

One reason, and I think it is the foremost one, is our conditioning. Going against your conditioning is painful, no doubt, but going against your very being proves to be far more painful; it hurts you no end. The life seems so meaningless and empty, that you feel like calling it quits.

But the life goes on. I think if you are finally able to come to terms with your suffering, it makes you emerge a bit more resilient. I don’t mind suffering myself much, but if it involves the suffering of a dear one, I find it simply intolerable. And the helplessness you feel at not being able to alleviate it, becomes too heavy a burden on your psyche.

I don’t believe in God. Probably for those who believe, things are a bit easier as they can leave it all in his hands. But what can an atheist do? He can’t leave the matters in anyone’s, real or imaginary, hands. He can’t shirk his responsibility for himself and others. The resulting suffering is so unbearable that it is simply beyond imagination.

गुल कोई मुरझाये तो रोती फ़ज़ा है ज़ार ज़ार
ना निभे एक अहद तो दिल टूटता है बार बार

(फ़ज़ा = atmosphere, अहद = promise)

बेरुखी पे खुद की तो जाती नहीं उनकी नज़र,
मुझसे कहते हैं कि क्यूँ करता शिकायत बार बार.

हमने माना कुछ नहीं तुमपे हमारा हक़ मगर,
दिल हमारा माँगता निगहे-करम है बार बार.

(निगहे-करम = a glance of favour or generosity)

एक ख़त छोटा सा तेरा देता है कितना सुकून,
आँख पढ़ती है मेरी हर एक हर्फ़ को बार बार.

(हर्फ़ = अक्षर)

बस फ़क़त आने के वादे पे यूँ धडका दिल मेरा,
रुक न जाए बा-खुशी जो आप आयें बार बार.

(बा-खुशी = With Happiness)

मुन्तज़िर दिल है हमारा जिन हसीं अलफ़ाज़ का,
इक दफा तुम कह ना पाए क्या कहोगे बार बार.

(मुन्तज़िर = One who waits, अलफ़ाज़ = Words)

आपकी खातिर हमारा दिल तड़पता किस क़दर,
आप हों नाराज़ फिर भी हम कहेंगे बार बार.

आप तो मसरूफ हैं और जाँ निकलती है मेरी,
क्या करें गर ना करें शिकवा-शिकायत बार बार.

(मसरूफ = Busy)

ज़ीस्त मेरी आज देखो हो गई है पुरसुकूं,
आइयेगा इस गली में हमनशीं यूँ बार बार.

(ज़ीस्त = Life, existence; पुरसुकूं = Full of peace or contentment)

या तो मेरी जान ले ले या मिला दे यार से,
लगता नहीं सह पाऊँगा ये दर्द ऐसा बार बार.

रोक ना पायेगा खुद को यार मेरे देर तक,
जो सदायें देगा तुझको दिल हमारा बार बार.

मिलता है आराम मुझको तेरी आँखें देख कर,
राह तकता है तेरी बीमार का दिल बार बार.

पूछ मत ऐ नाखुदा गहराइयाँ उन आँखों की,
डूबना जिनमें मेरा जी चाहता है बार बार.

(नाखुदा = माँझी)

तुझसा कोई माशूक और आशिक कोई मेरी तरह,
होते नहीं अक्सर मुकाबिल इस जहां में बार बार.

है बड़ी भारी गुज़रती दिल पे खामोशी तेरी,
दे न पाऊंगा सदा मैं यार तुझको बार बार.

प्यार से रखना सम्हाले है बड़ा नाज़ुक “अशोक”,
टूट कर जुड़ता नहीं दिल हर किसीका बार बार.

It needs a great courage to accept truth whatever it might be. Conflicts that rage within are not easy to resolve. Truth is very difficult to accept as most of the times it goes against our prejudices and conditioning. It shatters many illusions we have created about ourselves. It forces us to see that we are not as high and evolved as we thought of ourselves. It makes us see our shortcomings too painfully.

As long as we are engrossed in the world of thoughts, everything seems hunky dory. We can focus on lofty thoughts and ignore the baser ones. Reading books gives us the illusion that we know much; they make us gyaan-paapi. But as we delve in to ourselves a bit deeper, at the level of emotions, we come to know what really drives us. We can’t fool our emotions, our gut feelings. They know nothing of all the books we have read. They know nothing of what we think of ourselves. They come like storms and show us the shaky foundations of our concepts and thoughts. If we are able to watch ourselves when we are being buffeted by our emotions, we would see what we really are. This vision is painful as it shows us the reality about ourselves. It shows us how much we are controlled by our conditioning. It shows us how we are programmed to behave, and live, against our true nature. It makes us feel ashamed of ourselves because of our notions of what is right and what is wrong which are nothing but imposed concepts. To preserve the image we have so painstakingly built of ourselves, we start denying. We start lying to ourselves.

saaranga teri yaad mein
saaranga teri yaad mein
nain hue bechain
ho saaranga teri yaad mein
nain hue bechain

ho madhur tumhaare milan bina
din katate nahi rain
o saaranga teri yaad mein

wo ambua ka jhoolna
wo peepal ki chhaaon
wo ambua ka jhoolna
wo peepal ki chhaaon

ghoonghat mein jab chaand tha
mehndi lagi thi paaon
aaj ujad ke reh gaya
aaj ujad ke reh gaya
wo sapno ka gaaon

o saaranga teri yaad mein
nain hue bechain
ho madhur tumhaare milan bina
din katate nahi rain
o saaranga teri yaad mein

sang tumhaare do ghadi
beet gaye jo pal
sang tumhaare do ghadi
beet gaye jo pal

jal bhar ke mere nain mein
aaj hue ojhal
sukh le ke dukh de gayi
sukh le ke dukh de gayi
do ankhiyaan chanchal

o saaranga teri yaad mein
nain hue bechain
ho madhur tumhaare milan bina
din katate nahi rain
o saaranga teri yaad mein

(Khwaab mein dekha tha ek aanchal
Maine apne haathon mein
Ab toote sapnon ke shishe
Chubte hai in aankhon mein) – 2
Kal koi tha yahin, ab koi bhi nahin
Banke naagin jaise hai saanson mein laheraayi
Tanhaai, tanhaai, palkon pe kitne aansu hai laayi – 2

(Kyoon aisi umeed ki maine
Jo aise naakaam hui
Door banaayi thi manzil
To raste mein hi shaam hui) – 2
Ab kahan jaaoon main, kisko samjhaaoon main
Kya maine chaaha tha aur kyoon kismat mein aayi
Tanhaai, tanhaai, jaise andhero ki ho gehraayi
Dil ke raaste mein kaisi thokar maine khaayi
Toote khwaab saare, ek maayusi hai chhaayi
Har khushi so gayi, zindagi kho gayi
Tumko jo pyaar kiya maine to sazaa main paayi
Tanhaai, tanhaai, milo hai phaili hui tanhaai – 2
Tanhaai, tanhaai, tanhaai, tanhaai

Tadap Tadap ke Is Dil Se Aah Nikalti Rahi
Mujhko Saza Di Pyaar Ki Aisa Kya Gunaah Kiya
To Lut Gaye Haan Lut Gaye
To Lut Gaye Hum Teri Mohabbat Mein

Ajab Hai Ishq Yaara
Pal Do Pal Ki Khushiyaan
Gham Ke Khazaane Milte Hain
Milti Hai Tanhaiyaan
Kabhi Aansoon Kabhi Aahein
Kabhi Shikve Kabhi Naale
Tera Chehra Nazar Aaye
Tera Chehra Nazar Aaye Mujhe Din Ke Ujaalon Mein
Teri Yaadein Tadpayein
Teri Yaadein Tadpayein Raaton Ke Andheron Mein
Tera Chehra Nazar Aaye
Machal Machal ke Is Dil Se Aah Nikalti Rahi
Mujhko Saza Di Pyaar Ki Aisa Kya Gunaah Kiya
To Lut Gaye Haan Lut Gaye
To Lut Gaye Hum Teri Mohabbat Mein

Agar Mile Khuda To Poochhoonga Khudaya
Jism Mujhe Deke Mitti Ka Sheeshay Sa Dil Kyon Banaya
Aur Us Pe Diya Fitrat
Ke Woh Karta Hai Mohabbat
Wah Re Wah Teri Kudrat
Wah Re Wah Teri Kudrat Us Pe De Diya Kismat
Kabhi Hai Milan Kabhi Furqat
Kabhi Hai Milan Kabhi Furqat Hai Yehi Kya Vo Mohabbat
Wah Re Wah Teri Kudrat
Sisak Sisak ke Is Dil Se Aah Nikalti Rahi
Mujhko Saza Di Pyaar Ki Aisa Kya Gunaah Kiya
To Lut Gaye Haan Lut Gaye
To Lut Gaye Hum Teri Mohabbat Mein

Tadap Tadap ke Is Dil Se Aah Nikalti Rahi
Mujhko Saza Di pyaar Ki Aisa Kya Gunaah Kiya
To Lut Gaye Haan Lut Gaye
To Lut Gaye Hum Teri Mohabbat Mein

Bin tere saawan aayaa
Sawan aayaa jhoole pade
Jhoole hum jhool na paaye
Tune hume kabhi yaad kiyaa naa
Hum tujhe bhool na paaye
Hai tera intezaar Tu mile ek baar
Mar ke bhi phir tera haath nahi chhodna
tere bin
tere bin nahi jeena mar jaanaa dholna

Ang sang tere mere peechha nahi chhode mera
Beete dino ki parchhaiyaan
Jeena mushkil ho gayaa mera dasne lagii tanhaiyan
Humko teri kasam
Tere gham me sanam doob jaana hai Lekin nahi dolna
tere bin
tere bin nahi jeena mar jaana dholna

Khaali khaali baahen meri Sooni sooni raahen meri
Uthti hai dil me hooken
Mere seene pe chalti hain Yaadon ki bandooken
Aagayaa dekh tu aasmaan mei lahu
Ab lahu me zaher tu nahi gholna

tere bin
tere bin nahi jeena mar jaana dholna

Upar khuda aasmaan neeche jahaan
Sab hain magar haaye tujhe dhoonde nazar
Tu aaya na aayi khabar
Balama jalama, balama jalama
Kachche dhaage sache pyaar ke na todna
Tere bin
Tere bin nahi jeena mar jaana dholna

Kuch nahi paas mere sab kuch le gaya tu
Chhor gaya bas yaadein
Kitne geet the in honthon par
Ab kitni fariyaadein
Tu kahan kho gaya bewafa ho gaya
Sach bata pyaar mein jhoot nahi bolna
Tere bin
Tere bin nahi jeena mar jaana dholna

Kehte hain log saare ek din laut ke pardesi ghar aayenge
Tab tak kaun jeeyega hum to gham se mar jaayenge
Yeh tujhe kya pata dil hai woh aaina
Tod ke phir jise mushkil hai jodna
Tere bin
Tere bin nahi jeena mar jaana dholna

Upar khuda aasmaan neeche jahaan
Sab hain magar haaye tujhe dhoonde nazar
Tu aaya na aayi khabar
Balama jalama, balama jalama
Kachche dhaage sache pyaar ke na todna
Tere bin
Tere bin nahi jeena mar jaana dholna

=============================

Jaane khudaTere Bin Nahi Lagda Dil Mera Dholna
(Sung By Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan himself in Punjabi)

Please help me correct the words in bold:

Jaane Khuda Main Ruwan (Mehrbaan) Tere Siva
Kon Mera Kadi Na Howi Juda Tori Na Saath Mera
Jaania Haania Jaania Haania Tu Vi Sikh Kadi Dukh Sukh Polna
Tere Bin, Tere Bin Nahi Lagda Dil Mera Dholna

Puchh kaale badlaan to Seene Vich Ag Lage Lang Gaiyaan Kaii Barsaatan
Dur Gayo Sajna Neend na Kho Ke Jaag Ke Katiyan Rataan
Aavija Na Sataa Wasta Pyaar Da Ae ruttan Sohniya Murr Nai Aaniya
Tere Bin, Tere Bin Nahi Lagda Dil Mera Dholna

Dil Tenu Day Bethi Khabre To Aisay Nai Karna Ey Beparwaiyaan
Keetay Waday Qasmaan Tenu Yaad Kadi Nai Aaiyan
Ey Gila Pyaar Da Khol aake suna pyase naina te Ker Mehrbaniyan
Tere Bin, Tere Bin Nahi Lagda Dil Mera Dholna

कुछ नहीं अब गर्दिश-ए-हस्ती में हमको याद है,
याद है तो इक फक़त माशूक का दर याद है.

(गर्दिश-ए-हस्ती = cycle or misfortune of life, माशूक = beloved, दर=door)

ज़िंदगी का आशियाँ कैसे करें तामीर फिर,
गुलशन-ए-दिल का हरेक बर्ग-ओ-शज़र बर्बाद है.

(आशियाँ = Nest, तामीर = construction, गुलशन-ए-दिल = garden of the heart, बर्ग-ओ-शज़र = leaf and tree)

जी रहे हैं ये भी है असर-ए-एजाज़-ए-ज़िंदगी,
हस्ती-ए-फानी की वरना कौन सी बुनियाद है.

(असर-ए-एजाज़-ए-ज़िंदगी = effect of the miracle of life, हस्ती-ए-फानी = perishable life/existence, बुनियाद = foundation)

हो नुमायाँ जिसके शेरों में हकीकत जीस्त की,
मेरी नज़रों में वो शायर आलिम-ओ-उस्ताद है.

(नुमायाँ = clear/obvious, जीस्त = life, आलिम-ओ-उस्ताद = learned)

मत करो महदूद मजहब मस्ज़िद-ओ-मीनार तक,
गर नहीं कद्र-ए-बशर तो दीन ये इल्हाद है.

(महदूद = limited, कद्र-ए-बशर = respect for humans, दीन = religion, इल्हाद = atheism)

आरजूओं ने दिया कुछ भी नहीं गम के सिवा,
जो है बाहर क़ैद-ए-रगबत के वही दिलशाद है.

(क़ैद-ए-रगबत = prison of love/desire, दिलशाद = happy)

जान लेना खुद को ही हस्ती का मक़सद है “अशोक”,
वरना तेरी ज़िंदगी भी बस महज़ उफ्ताद है.

(उफ्ताद = calamity)

The contentment I feel sometimes, as I am feeling right now since last few hours, is simply miraculous. The world seems so beautiful and the heart feels so peaceful. It is easy to point out the apparent external reason which triggers such a state, but difficult to understand the deeper underplay of forces. I feel such things only when I am able to meditate properly.

I can only say that it comes somewhere from within, otherwise it wouldn’t have been possible to experience this through meditation. The external influence which helps trigger it must be knowingly or unknowingly energising some centers which are normally inaccessible to most of the people, and are touched only in a meditative state.

I think that I have met some evolving soul who is more or less at whatever level I currently am at. I first got acquainted with this person a few months back. Even though initially I didn’t feel much, gradually I started feeling a pull which was inexplicable, and grew stronger day by day.

We met next on 4th September. We talked of nothing significant, but after we parted and I went back home, I found myself in a state of utter contentment which lasted for more than a day. Even my death would have caused no discontentment then. The experience was beyond words, and hence can’t be explained.

I kept in touch through emails and sometimes through SMS. Sometimes messages from that person triggered the same experience though it lasted for a much shorter duration on those occasions.

I was blessed to see the person again on 28th September. Again the same miraculous and sacred feeling accompanied me afterwards for more than a day. Even though I wanted to meet again to have experience once more, it was declined to me as he was busy in his day to day affairs. The denial did cause great disappointment, but I knew that whatever happened, happened for the betterment.

I tried meditating a few times, but somehow couldn’t. The contact with a Guru or a fellow traveller makes the experience so easy to come by. And therefore, people tend to get dependent on such persons.

I had a telephonic conversation with him yesterday. Again we talked of nothing in particular. But again the same contentment and peace took hold of me which is still around. I don’t know whether I should thank the person, or the existence, or my stars. I even don’t know for sure whether the contact with me is in anyway helping him too or not. Should I ask him?

Someday I will talk to him about my experiences and ask him about his own. I am sure that if we could travel some distance together it would help both of us tremendously.

I am keeping my fingers crossed.

Ranjish hi sahi dil hi dukhaane ke liye aa
Aa fir se mujhe chhod ke jaane ke liye aa
Ranjish hi sahi

Ranjish=enmity

Pahle se maraasim naa sahi fir bhi kabhi to
Rasm-o-rah-e-duniyaa hi nibhaane ke liye aa
Ranjish hi sahi

Maraasim=agreements/relationships, Rasm-o-rah-e-duniyaa=customs and traditions of the society

Kis kis ko bataayenge judaai ka sabab hum
Tu mujhse khafaa hai to zamaane ke liye aa
Ranjish hi sahi

sabab=reason, khafaa=angry

Kuchh to mere pindaar-e-mohabbat ka bharam rakh
Tu bhi to kabhi mujhko manaane ke liye aa
Ranjish hi sahi

pindaar-e-mohabbat=pride/self-respect of love

Ik umr se hoon lazzat-e-giriyaa se bhi mahroom
Aye raahat-e-jaan mujhko rulaane ke liye aa
Ranjish hi sahi

Lazzat-e-giriyaa=taste of sadness/tears, Mahroom=devoid of, Raahat-e-jaan= relief/peace of life

Ab tak dil-e-khushfaham ko tujh se hai ummeeden,
Ye aakhiree shamme bhi bhujhaane ke liye aa.
Ranjish hi sahi

Dil-e-khushfaham=heart of the optimist, Shamme=candles

इस कदर मायूस था कि यार ने इकरार किया,
और ये समझा दिल-ए-नादाँ कि इनकार किया.

मेरे अश्कों ने किया था हाल-ए-दिल बयाँ मेरा,
औ सुकूत-ए-हिज्ब-ए-लब ने इश्क का इज़हार किया.

(सुकूत-ए-हिज्ब-ए-लब = Silence of the shyness of lips)

था अज़ाब-ए-दर्द-ए-जिगर ही मेरे मुक़द्दर में,
दिल ने शायद बेखुदी में भी तुम्ही से प्यार किया.

(अज़ाब-ए-दर्द-ए-जिगर = Torture or curse of the pain of heart)

तू रहा मेरी आँख से ओझल मुदाम पर फिर भी,
हमने भी तेरा निगाहे-कल्ब से दीदार किया.

(मुदाम = Perpetual, निगाहे-कल्ब = Eyes of the heart)

वो क्या जानेंगे कि लिखता है ग़ज़ल क्योंकर “अशोक”,
असर-ए-इश्क ने सदा-ए-दिल को ही अशआर किया.

(क्योंकर = कैसे, सदा-ए-दिल = Calls of the heart, अशआर = Plural of “sher”)