Yesterday, I lost a very dear friend of mine, known as V. It was not because of death or some mishap, but because of pure and silly misunderstanding between us. I truly was shocked to learn of the complaints my friend had; and I wondered, why didn’t V voice the complaints much earlier? Complaints against each other are natural in any relationship/friendship. Even showdowns would occur at times, and are generally forgotten if the friendship is strong as no two persons can be totally similar or totally understanding to each other after all.
But to question a close friend’s very motive is too cruel unless you have certain evidence about it. Claiming that your friend might be trying to take advantage of you, is too cheap unless you can corroborate your accusation. It will hurt your friend too deeply. The fact that such thoughts could appear in your mind is enough evidence for the friendship to be over from your side at least. Because once you stop trusting someone, no matter what he does or doesn’t for you, you will always tend to see ulterior motives in your friend’s actions and speech.
I don’t know if it is a virtue or a weakness to be trusting in general. If it is a weakness, I suffer from it too badly. I tend to use all my intellect to justify some seemingly unreasonable or thoughtless behaviour from people. I never forget that people are weak inside no matter how strong they appear outwardly. I know that deep down we are all similar kind of people with similar needs and aspirations. But this has caused me too much pain too many times. I feel too sick of it, but I guess I can’t change my psychological makeup easily to turn into a person who questions the motives of people he comes across. And why should I? I do believe that a trusting disposition is a virtue even if it allows you to get duped by the world at large.
If I have been of any worth to my friend, I think he would or should call me back. If not, it would be clear to me that I was worth nothing to him. Anyway, yesterday’s incident only added to the pain I have already been suffering from for quite some time.